Regrets are something we all have. Some may be small things that we never think of and others may alter the course of our lives. I know I have many and I keep, despite my best efforts, making more of them.
I had a customer at work tell me about his father. His father, he said, lived with no regrets. He would be playing poker with his buddies, have a cigarette in one hand, a cigar in the other, a beer on the table next to a shot of whiskey and if someone had a joint, he would take a hit of that. I guess that is living to some people. Though I feel that is a bit of a waste.
I have a friend who goes on missions trips. She goes on them a lot and is always thinking up the next one. I don't know really what she does, but I think she has helped build homes before and other helpful things of the sort. I guess that is a regret I can fix, I'll have to ask her exactly what she does. I think her way of living is living much fuller.
She is a Christian, and she is doing the trips and the missions work for God, but I have a feeling she would still do it even if she wasn't. She is a very nice person. I would love to look back at the things I didn't do and not think of them as regrets, but as something I passed up on for something even better.
Like I said, I have a lot of regrets, some that have changed my life, some that I don't even think on unless I am trying to think of regrets. But I have to thank God every day for where I am in life. I am happy. I haven't been happy in the state of my life for a rather long time. I used to feel depressed and miserable all the time. I felt like the world hated me, my friends were only friends to my face, and I was doomed to spend my life as one of those long haired nerds living in their parents basement. (Mind you, I do not have a problem with that, I know a few who are rather awesome.)
But recently I have been becoming more and more happy. The depression still kicks in from time to time, but it doesn't feel like I am being pushed into the ground by it. I find myself wanting to get up and go do things more. (Sadly that also means wanting to spend more money... I guess I have to work on that.) The weight of the depression has been lifted and I find the world to be full of idiots still, but its a world I wouldn't mind seeing more of. (As long as there aren't too many idiots in my way.)
I have to contribute it all to my refreshed searching of God. I want to learn everything I can about him. I want to know how he created things, what ways he uses to keep everything in a livable working fashion, and to be able to do what he wants done. This does not make me a weak-minded moron, a peon who should be looked down on. This makes me a strong-minded person who wants to know more about the universe, science and God. I want to see how the universe works, and bask in the knowledge that the Star-Breather, created such an intricate universe for us to lose ourselves to wonder in. (Star-Breather is a name I like to call God because it is what he did. Whether the universe is billions of years or younger or older, God still spoke it into creation. I also like to borrow a name from the Viking mythos, All-Father. For he is the father of all things.)
God has changed me on the inside. The only regret I have: That I didn't turn fully into His arms years ago. I can make up for that with the decades I have left to praise him here. I do believe God can and will make all things better, but the person needs to be willing to stop and listen. When I am on my deathbed, I hope my only thought will be "Well God, I have no regrets for my life lived for you. Here I come to see you face to face, This will be awesome."
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