The Forgotten Center

It was one year ago this Easter Sunday that I had a bit of a breakdown and God had to remind me of some simple truths. That Sunday I was angry I had to get up so early to drive so far for a service I didn't want to go to. I was angry at the church, my parents, my mother's car, you name it I was probably mad at it.

The truth is I forgot. I forgot a great many things that morning. First, I forgot that Easter morning and the Son Rise service aren't for me. I forgot that others had feelings, so when my yelling and angry words came out of my mouth, they stung and hurt. I forgot that I am not the center of the universe. I forgot I did not create a thing in all my 30 years of life. I forgot that despite my anger, which I allowed to have free reign, I am nothing at all.

It took a few well placed thoughts, a suggestion, and a bathroom break to remind me, I am not God. God had to remind me of all the things he did for me. He loved me even though I cursed him. He died for me even though said I hated him. He rose from the dead for me even though I didn't want to live. He loved me so much more than I could ever have, even on my best days, ever love back.

He had to remind me of these things, which he did, by hitting me on the head. Good thing he made my skull thick. He asked me, "Why are you crying?" I told him I was angry, I hate everyone and everything, and sometimes I don't believe he is real despite all the things he has done for me. That all I feel is anger in my heart and hate in my mind.

Then Jesus reminded me by saying "Brian, it's me." Then I remembered who he was. This was Jesus, the man who somehow managed to save a sinner like me. Thing is, he did it easily, freely, and does it over and over because he loves every bit that is me.

This is something I struggle to keep in my head and heart. Jesus is for me. He longs for me, he looks after me even when I try to hide. Jesus loves me all the time, every day. Though I was tired, Jesus never stops and takes a break from trying to give me everything I could ever need.

Very often in our lives we forget the basics, we fill our heads with theology of creation or how to be baptized, yet we forget to leave room for Jesus in the middle. If Jesus is not the center of everything, everything will fall. If Jesus isn't put first, then all of our tryings will end before they get started. If the church forgets Jesus even though they still try and show people they know the man they misplaced, their best laid plans crumble into nothing.

I forgot these things. I forgot Jesus is the center, Jesus is the Creator, He is the Word, He is the Truth. It is easy to forget when you fill your head with junk. I work every day, and to be honest, some days I fail, others I only mange to do OK while others I do good, to keep Jesus centered and first in my life. I hope I never have another Easter filled with anger and hate like the one last year, so I will keep Jesus every day in my heart and mind. Everyday, is Easter with Jesus as your center.