Curse

I like to think, as I can imagine many Christians do, that if I had been alive when Jesus was, I would have followed him, I would have been right there next to him on the cross. But if I really look at myself I know I wouldn't be there. In fact I would have been Peter, denying him three times. I would have been Thomas, who didn't believe it until he finally was able to touch the wounds. I would probably have been the first to run.

It is not an easy thing, I love Jesus, I really do, and I say to myself that if I am to be killed or to renounce God, I would stand tall and die bravely. But if I really look at who I am, I ask myself, "Would you really?" These days, we are being put to the test.

There is a guy at my work, who makes jokes a lot about God, or just religion in general. I usually don't laugh, but its because they aren't actually funny. Sometimes they are and I do laugh. I can take jokes, but what the jokes are saying overall about God is that He is a joke and we are jokes that believe in him.

Every day Jesus is being executed again. Every day He is cut down by the media, by crazy people, by good people, by a world who hates him. Are we really so cold that we can just stand by and let people all over crush the Son of God? Why are we not more moved to do something? Why are we more moved to free the whales that to defend and praise God?

Jesus is not a memory, He is not a martyr. Jesus is alive and shining bright. I think we tend to forget who he is. This Easter, in church, the pastor pointed out the signs in John of who God is, but did all of us follow the signs? Jesus is not a corpse, not a zombie, not a lich, but a Living and breathing God who loves us, despite us denying Him. Jesus is not a movement to be nicer people. The world has plenty of them. Jesus is alive, we are the flesh he chooses to wear until the end of the world comes in His glory.

I want to have a resurrected heart that beats in line with His. I want to stand up and be brave enough to die for him. I want to pass the test. I pray I never need to take it though. I want to be a good example of Christ so that others may also find him. I fail so often. I am not overflowing with joy or even happiness. I hide behind screens and half-hearted laughs. Truth is I am a horrible Christian. I cannot just go all in, even though I really want to.

I guess it is good that we have a God who gives chances. Maybe sometime I will actually be able to do it. Maybe we all will someday. Maybe soon we will come alive and we can bring a little heaven to this hurting world. Jesus is coming someday. I don't think it will be very soon, at least by our time, but I could be wrong, and I need to begin to live as if he were coming tomorrow.

Jesus, forgive my failures. I know I fail more often than nought, but I do love you. I want to be better and to follow you. I will try my best to let the dead bury the dead and I hope I will not keep falling, but if I do, please remain close to me and help me back up. Let me be a David in a world of Goliaths. Lead me into the mountains so that I can be an Abraham, to trust you that completely. Thank you for all that you have done for me, even if I fail over and over to earn it.




This blog was inspired by the song Curse by a band called My Epic