Parody: New Product

From Bible.com

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
Psalms 51:1-2 (NLT)

As an adult, we are tasked with so many mundane tasks. Having to wake up, go to work, earn money so that we can do things we want to, but I think the worst of all is having to do laundry. I mean every week or so, you have to take all these gross and dirty clothes you previously wore, and put them into a machine with some soap and some water so that you can get them smelling good again. It is an unending chore that should just not be a thing in 2019. But God has a better way for you.

Introducing, Blood of Jesus Life Detergent. From the Maker of the World comes a new way to be clean of all guilt and sin and be purified once again. No more having to try to clean yourself anymore, let the Blood of Jesus do it for you! Got a big stain of shame in your life? Just hit it with a dab of the Blood of Jesus and bam! it's gone. Right now, for a limited time* you can get a life time supply of the Blood of Jesus for free! That's right, if you simply ask God, he will grace you with your own supply of the Blood of Jesus. You do not need to do anything for this amazing deal of a lifetime, simply accept Jesus as your savior, ask for mercy from the Creator of All Things, and you too will be washed clean from all your sins by the amazing power of the Blood of Jesus.

But wait, there is more! Right now and for that fact, even before you were ever born and long after you die, you will receive a free Unfailing Love, directly from God himself. That's right, God is offering his Unfailing Love for you for free. There is nothing you need to do at all, because God's Unfailing Love is always free to every person ever born, ever. No purchase ever necessary God is always wanting to share his Unfailing Love with the world.

Lord, Thank you for loving me so much to send your son to die in my place. Thank you for wiping my sins away and bringing me back to you, clean and new.

*Time is limited by the end of your life, or the end of the world, which ever comes first.