While I was working on being a ninja, or training in martial arts, there were so many times that would help me become a better person, and closer to what God has desired for me since the beginning of me. Trials that would become strengths, sorta.
After I hard received my purple belt, and a few years after the hotel incident, I was now preparing to go for my next belt, the first of three levels of brown belt. If I got it, I would then be two belts away from going for the amazing honor of my black belt. But as things go, sometimes you don't always get what you want, and sometimes its for a good reason.
As I have stated, my mom also took karate, and though I lost interest and 'retired' she is actually still active to this day. We both were going to be in the same test, hers was for her blue belt, mine for my purple. The senior belt tests were hard. First they wear you down with a spirit drill, or a more friendly term, Thousand Hours drill. Ten different techniques, one hundred times each, most of them as fast as you could do it, or as fast as the testers could yell. Then you went on to everything you learned. Every move, under the careful eye of no less than three black belts, in this case I believe there were six there. Two hours later, you had a ten minute rest before they put you right back in for questions about the handbook, pledges, why you joined karate, history of our founders, followed by twenty to thirty minutes of kata.
I had a few disadvantages this day. For this test it was just me and my mom, at this point in her life, my mom had already received bi-lateral knee replacements, and she was my mom, it is not the same as working with the guys, you hit a guy, you don't feel bad, you hit an old woman, you are not a very good man. But regardless of how old she was, which now she is much much older, She was my partner for it all.
We both worked fast and hard. Snapping punches within an inch of each other's faces. Kicks flicking our uniforms. Sometimes there would be a nice thud, mostly me hitting the floor or getting hit. She even went far beyond what the knees were made for, and hit the ground each throw and sweep we had to do. My mom is a tough old woman.
At one point, one of the testers, my Sensei, set his clipboard down, and stepped in to attack me. I executed the moves flawlessly, like the rest of the test, and just assumed they wanted to see me with someone different. In a way they did.
After the test was over, we continued on with our day. In a coincidence I just noticed, this story also takes place at one of our national weekends, we rarely have testing done those days, but it did happen sometimes. The next week, when we were to get out belts, my Sensei took a moment at the end of class, something he enjoyed to do, which was torment to the ones who just tested, and presented my mom with her belt. She was now the same rank as me. Then we bowed off the floor.
I was at a loss. Why was I not given my belt. Knowing I would want to know, we went right into his office and we talked. He told me they though that when I was working with my mother, I was softer, a bit kinder to her, but when I worked with him, I was harder and more fierce. Which is exactly true. He then went on to say that they wanted to see me keep up the intensity the whole time, regardless of who I was working with.
Oddly to me this was how a man should be. To his mother, and to the women he loves, he should treat them kindly, with gentleness, but never weakly. Though my mom could easily take a hit. I was never weak during the whole test, just that I went up higher with intensity when I had another man to hit. But regardless of how a man should treat a woman, I had failed my test. Again three more months before I could test again.
But this time I would pass, despite the set back, despite the complaints of gentleness to my mother, I would come back, and show them the same intensity, the power and skill they were looking for. I pushed forward and went farther.
This also taught me about perseverance and to keep pushing no matter what sets you back. You have a goal, and despite all that assails you, you push forward, fighting harder and harder. I fear in the years to come, it will get harder and harder to push forward as a Christian. Our perseverance will be put to the test repeatedly, and there will be many who will falter. But for those who keep pushing, fighting the good fight, running that race, there will be rewards across the finish line.
It is with the same perseverance that I felt in this test, that God will use to mold me into the man he will have me be. I might be a bit proud and this foolish to say, but I feel like I am getting closer. I am far from the real me, but there are glimpses that I catch of a me who is way more Ninja than I am now, but also more Godly.
It is very hard to keep pushing when the weight of the world is crushing you. But with God, we can do it. He has the strength to pick the world up, He has the wind to refresh you in your run, He can renew your strength and raise that intensity to levels unheard of before. He can do it and he will do all this and so much more, if we let him in and let him work.
I like to think that the verse: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, is not about you doing, but more about Christ giving you the resolve to keep pushing and support to not faint. He will accomplish much through you. Stay strong my friends, brothers, and sisters who are growing tired of the fight, Jesus is coming with the water bottles and towels, and the next round will be coming soon. And you will find that he has been molding you to be exactly who he wants you to be. The real you.
