Mark 1:16-20 (NIV)Today at work, though it is not the today that you read this, but the today that I write this, which will probably be a quite a few yesterdays from today, was a fairly normal day, not too busy, but not to slow and I had dealt with a good amount of customers. While most of them were friendly a few weren't. The last few really pushed my buttons, if you know what I mean. They came in seconds before I could get off the counter for the evening, and one of them thought it was a good a time as any to browse the tool section for something to install a leaf spring bushing. He was looking for a tool to pull the bushing into the spring. I tried to explain to him that it would be easier to push the bushing in with a c-clamp or something like it. I told him that had worked well for me n the past and for several other customers. Just seconds before the automatic lights shut off, I rang him out and he left.
16 As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.17 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 18 At once they left their nets and followed him.
19 When he had gone a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. 20 Without delay he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him.
I quickly shut the registers off and took the drawers into the back to count the drawer. While I was doing that I heard a knocking on the door, but ignored it since I cannot open the door with money out. Then the phone began to ring while I finished up and with just one more thing to do I answered the phone, saying we were closed. Long story short, a part was wrong in the box, but I didn’t have another one to give him. He was angry and hung up on me.
Now, this is not just me complaining, giving background to the thoughts I had on the way home. If you were not aware before, but might be now, I have started the first steps to become a pastor. I am still far from that and have many more things to do toward that, but I have already had doubts that I can do this, or that it is really what God wants me to do. I thought about playing the game with the powers that be at work and trying to get my own store, doing a safe and mostly benign job selling car parts. It’s something I know well and can do well. Becoming a pastor, is something I have no clue what to do, how to do it, and I’m scared of the possibility that I will no longer be in control of anything.
As these doubts came into my head, a thought occurred to me. I said to myself, “And God hardened his heart.” I don’t know why I thought of that, but I chuckled to myself afterwards. The stress and anger at situations like what I mentioned at closing time at work, is actually a help in pushing me forward to this call God has been telling me for 20 years now. It is not that God made my heart a stone, to resist and become something I am not. Truth is, I have been burned out at work and stretched thin on what I still liked about my job. What God did was give me the ability to realize that I do not want to sell car parts anymore. I DO want to become whatever it is God is going to make me.
Maybe that is the same thing He did to Pharaoh during the Exodus. God did not make Pharaoh change his mind, He knew what Pharaoh would do, and what he wanted to do. Even though Pharaoh had given permission, maybe an adviser reminded him about things the Jews had done. Maybe it made him angry again so he changed his mind so the next part of God’s plan could happen. I never liked the idea that God made Pharaoh be a jerk, that He made him do something he didn’t want to do. I think God knew intimately how Pharaoh thought, that his own thoughts would steel his heart into refusing to let the Jews go, because this was already what he wanted to do.
Despite everything that happened, God was able to show how great He is. He was able to get His people out of a place they were not happy in, but comfortable in the situation. They had food, water and housing, but God wanted to lead them to a place where they could be so much more, a plan where they could truly become the people of God. I think that same sort of thing is happening in my heart as I venture this path.
It was more that 20 years ago right here, in this very building (Lighthouse UMC) that I first told my mom that I thought God wanted me to be a pastor. It was never that I wanted to be one, but God wanted me to be one. That is a significant difference, because sometimes we do not want to do what we are called to do. Every time I feel a bit of panic about my call, God puts something in my path to harden my heart towards the safe path, and turn me towards Him, like the hours, closing so often I dread that shift, rude and frustrating customers. All of that so I do not take the easy way out. Maybe keeping me angry or stubborn enough or even happy enough at work to keep me pushing until I am where I am should be.
I think there are many things that we push through and might not realize this is God hardening our hearts towards the safe and familiar. Try looking into your life, your call and the things God has been asking you to do, and not just in the recent months, but even years ago. Has He been putting roadblocks in your heart trying to keep you on path? Maybe you jumped the fence and headed back to a safety zone because you had an abundance there or comfort there. Keep in mind the Jews in the wilderness. They had to rely on God and only Him. He gave them bread from heaven, manna, that only lasted for a day. They could eat their fill, but had to rely on God to bring them more food the next day. When we keep on the path God has laid out for us, the path he wants us on for our own good and His glory, He still gives us bread from heaven. Now instead of flaky stuff gathered from the ground, we have Jesus keeping our hearts nourished and happy as we travel. I think that is a much better bread that what the Jews had in the wilderness.
Ask yourself today, is God calling me to do something new or different? Is it taking on a new position or job here at church, or a mission out in the world? Until I pass through the Red Sea and make it safely to God, I will continue to give thanks to Him for the hardships and difficulties that may come. I will pray He hardens my heart when I need it, and keeps it soft for when He needs it. I pray that He will also do that for yours
