As good as this feeling is, and as happy as it makes me, I have not been in a very good mood as of late. Partly because my knee has been hurting, but also because I just feel angry a lot lately. Some of the anger is targeted at certain things, some of it at nothing. And something I noticed with anger, is it often ends up walking hand in hand with depression.
See what I had noticed as every time I get angry, at whatever it might be, I hold onto it for too long, and eventually depression kicks in and I want nothing more than to disappear. It got me thinking, look at the people who are always in good moods. You know a few, those people you want to smack a bit because nothing ever seems to tick them off. They just have an overwhelming sense of forgive and forget. They don't linger on things that didn't go their way, they are always smiling and always positive.
I am not one of them. I have a really hard time being positive, but I notice when I stay in a good mood, I don't feel like I am hopeless. Being happy and being hopeful are two different things, but like anger having depression, happy seems to have hope. It is pretty hard to stay happy right now, especially if you watch any news. We are a country so divide right now, more than I think we might have ever been in the past 75 years. We yell equality and unity from our social media outlet of choice, yet purposely act the exact opposite. We complain things aren't getting done, yet we do not try to work together to do them. Why should I try to be happy, I should just stay angry. It is easier.
But I do not want depression, so I must find a way, despite what the world wants, to be happy. For me that happiness is in my friends, my puppy, it's in my family, and it is in the relationship I have with Jesus. Many times I have tried to find that outside of these things. I look for it in video games, trying to find a belonging, a home. Yet, I already have those. Like the Jews in the desert, I forget what really matters, who helps me, lifts me up, makes me stronger. I quickly turn around and try to make my own way.We all need to find those things that make us actually happy. Where we can take our anger and put it away, shelve our doubts and lock up our feeling of lacking. I suggest you really take a look at Jesus. Not what the world is telling you about him, not even what the churches are telling you about him, but what He tells you about Him. I believe Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Not because I was told he was, but when I weigh in all of the things that I have researched, and the little understanding I have gathered of what makes the universe tick, I believe there is a God who set it all into motion, and when I study what Jesus said, what he did, I believe Him.
When I let go of all my anger, as hard of a time as I have doing that, Jesus quickly replaces it with happiness and right behind that comes hope. Hope for a brighter future for me, my family, my country, and my world. And with that hope I have more love I want to share. Maybe someday, there will be so much hope that the world will fill with love overflowing.
