Friends

There is a lot to be said about someone who does what they love, regardless of what people say. I have a friend who is making a action figure based on his toon from WoW. I also know people who would think he is dumb or nerdy or whatever you want to use to put him down. Fact is, it is awesome that he is doing that.

I have known my friend, we shall call him Myoga, for a few years now. I met him while playing WoW. There was a time when I left my original server, but I came back and he was in the guild that I used to play in. Turns out he lives very near to me. In all this time, I have never met him in person. Not because I am scared to do so, but because I am a terrible friend.

From what I have learned of my friend, he is a very talented person. He is a nerd and should be proud of it. He plays trading card games, and role plays in games as well as LARPs LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. I have learned Myoga is loyal. He is what I should try to be for my friends.

I am not very friendly, even when you are among my best friends. I like to sit inside, not go out, unless it is early in the day so I can be back home in the afternoon. That makes me rather poor friend in my eyes. Yet I have some of the greatest friends I have never seen.

I have in the past mentioned my guild. The guild name is Gentle Persuasion. We are found on the Blade's Edge server, Alliance side. I have personal, as in outside of WoW friends, that I talk to as much as I can when not in the game. I have mentioned my best friend a few times. We met  there and I will never let that girl go. She is awesome. I met my greatest love that never was in there as well. I would give up so much for her, yet distance and money make it very unlikely we will ever met.

In my horde guild, God brought a group of people together all from the same general area. We got people in Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana. I got friends from Canada, New York, Utah, Washington state, Washington DC, Michigan, and Florida. Outside of a few of them, I could probably go meet anyone of them in a days drive. Would I? Sure would if I was invited. But for now, I will stick with my friends online.

Old Ironforge before Cataclysm came out. Used to have to slow fall in as a mage.

Each one, at sometimes tells me things they like to do. Sometimes it interests me as well, others, I think it is boring. But each person is so special regardless of if I like it. God made these people so different, yet so much the same that we all connect on levels that I feel is missing these days.

It is an intimacy that few people can share.We are a guild, we are a single body of individuals working toward a goal to better each of us. When was the last time you did something that went above and beyond what your friend expected, just to help them, and looking for nothing in return?

I really do believe that God has set things up for something, and I do look forward to seeing it. So while I have these great people in my digital life, I need to spread my wings a bit more. Go out and meet people in real life. It will be hard, but worth it. As I work toward that, I have my good friends, and my guildmates. With them I will never have to pretend to be something I am not, just to fit in.

If they all lived closer, I would invite each and everyone to church with me. Maybe starting with Myoga I will start working on that.

A Bit More Serious

Sometimes I wonder what it is in my head that is so messed up, that even with all the grace God has given me, I still feel broken, unwanted and a bit of just a waste of life. It is not that I do not love myself, I like who I am. Sure, I am not happy with all of it, like being overweight, but that is something I can fix at another time. No I mean there is a part of me that feels empty. 

I have suffered from depression for years now. I never know why or when it is going to come around again, but I hate it when it does. I find I can often keep it at bay for a good long while by actively seeking God in all things.

I never used to believe it, I mean I knew it was possible because with God, all things are, when I heard people say "Seek God with all you are and he will be all you need." How could an immaterial being like God fulfill my my physical needs? How could God, whom I love with my whole soul, ever fill that void of loneliness? 

I have been single for a while, and most of the time I have been OK with it. But when I feel lonely and... all those various feelings that people get when they are alone, you know what I am talking about, there is nearly nothing I can do to stop the pain I feel inside. 

But here is the thing, and it is exactly what I never believed. God can make all those things feel better, he can dry the tears from your heart, hold you tight till the shaking stops, and lets you know that you are never alone and he is only a willing word away. He is amazing that way. 

Another way to look at it is the God of the whole universe, the one who created everything, set the laws of physics to work, crafted every proton  neutron, and electron to do exactly what they needed to do, He spun an untold number of stars, and molded countless planets for which his creation can live and enjoy everything. He did all this, and so much more, yet still loves me enough to give me a hug when I am down. 

When I started writing this, I was feeling very sad, I wanted to cry for several reasons. The depression came at me harder than it has in a while, and then I found out my good friend's, who we will call Naib, brother committed suicide two nights ago. Naib recently lost his mother and now his brother. Thinking about it makes me sad. I want to go over there, see Naib face to face, and tell him, things will get better.

I don't think things will ever be OK after an event like this. But things will be better than they are now. I want to be there for him and his family because they are my family as well. I want them to know that God is with them, every painful step of the way. But for now, I can only give my prayers and my written condolences. 

All this, the depression and the death... it is hard to want to keep going. There has been a part in me that often just wishes it would end. That God will come back tomorrow, so we do not have to keep going on. It is the keeping going that is hard. But I thank God he has given me the chance to keep going. I am strong because God is with me.

It is hard to picture, but God really is enough. That sounds like I am saying I am surprised that God could do this. No, just the opposite. If I am surprised by God at all, it is that he is willing to do this for me. I am more surprised that I can let him in and heal me. My pride as a man and as a human being wants to never be so weak as to have to rely on someone else, let alone someone I can't even see. But, I am so very glad that pride has been beaten back by faith.

I guess there isn't something in my head that is messed up. I am broken, I am unwanted, and that is OK. Because I have God. As I wrote this last bit, a song came on by the band Audio Adrenaline. I am going to share the lyrics with you. The song made me smile, gave me an audio cue from God, that it will be OK, no matter what I have to face. 

Underdog - Audio Adrenaline

I am so weak and I'm so tired
It's hard for me to
Find enough strength to feed the fires
That fuel my ego
And consequently all my pride has all but died
Which leaves me
Down on my knees
Back to the place I
Should have started from

[Chorus:]
Been beat up
Been broken down
Nowhere but up
When you're facedown
On the ground
I'm in last place
If I place at all
But there's hope for this underdog!
That's the way, uh-huh, we like it!
That's the way, uh-huh, we like it!
You can call me the underdog

I'm in this race to win a prize
The odds against me
The world has plans for my demise
What they don't see
Is that a winner is not judged by his small size
But by the substitute he picks to run the race
And mine's already won

[Chorus]

(Underdog.)
(I wince everytime I say the word.)
(Especially in connection with Jesus.)
(Yet as I read the birth stories about Jesus.)
I've been beat up
I've been broken down
(I can not help but conclude that although the world may be tilted toward the rich and powerful.)
No where to go when you're face down on the ground.
I'm in last place
If a place at all.
(God, hallelujah in His mercy, is still on the side of the Underdog!)
But there's hope for this Underdog.
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way
That's the way Uh-huh we like it (uh-huh uh-huh)
That's the way
Uh-huh we like it.
We like it.

Lasers, flying foxes and colonoscopies.

The other day I was digging through some books and things, trying to find a particular bible. Stuff fell over and while I was picking it up, I found a piece of paper with a poem on it. I had written it on 11/10/05. I had forgot all about writing this one. I read it and smiled.

A lens flare from the laser while cutting a glass tube.

Back then I was still working at Creative Processing. It is a laser factory. We do not create lasers, but I did get to play with them. We would cut things out and weld things up. We cut things like the floors of cars, the tracks the seats slide on, fender support covers for Harleys, even welded the wire they stick in you for colonoscopies. It was a wide range of things we worked with.

It was interesting and very boring. Like any factory job, you run a bunch of parts and lose your mind slowly each day. However, there were tons of good things that came out of there. I was able to play games on handheld systems, on an old laptop or on my phone, I could listen to whatever music I wanted, providing it was not too loud. But what I did the most was write. I wrote a ton of poems in the few years I worked there.

Looking at the inside while cutting a glass tube

Unless I had problems, I mostly worked by myself on the jobs, so I was able to write a lot. I wrote poems based on of lines of lyrics from various songs, and whatever else I might think up.

The poem I recently found is based on a video game from the N64. I would consider the game to be one of the top 10 games on the system.  It was a space based 3D shooter. It was a squeal to a great game that came out on the SNES. If the title did not give it away, nor my clues, that game was Star Fox 64.

I loved the game a lot back in the day, and I still remember it fondly. So when I found this, I saved it with all my other poems, but also thought it would be a great one to share with you. So I hope you enjoy the poem, simply titled Fox McCloud.

Fox McCloud

A barrel roll,

A laser blast,

A missile shot,

An enemy dies.

He zigs through the sky,

He zags in space,

Dogfights in the clouds,

And Rampages in a tank.

He has saved the solar system,

From the evil head and hands.

Has won countless medals,

for his infinite kills.

His team of brave fighters,

Are three of his closest friends.

First there is Falco,

The hothead hotshot of the team.

Then there is Slippy,

a creative frog that makes the toys.

Last is Crystal,

A young fox of great skill and beauty.

Together the four travel,

The emptiness of space,

To eradicate the evil,

In the fair Lylat System.