You Matter

There has always been a single thought in everything I do which has always held me back more than it should. It has been a battle in my mind for as long as I can remember. Whenever I try to do more, work harder, live more for Christ than I was before, I always feel that it doesn't matter, it is pointless, why do I even bother. I have fought with this in nearly every aspect of my life.

In my martial arts, I was good. The only thing that held me back was my wanting to not get hit, or my lack of wanting to feel pain. Then as a result, I didn't fight as much and I never got in with the other Black Belts and when things began to get mixed up, I figured why should I even bother with it anymore. So I left and haven't really been back since.

I often feel like that when I think about my Sunday School class. It is a class for young adults who are around my age, who feel that church is boring, old fashioned and rather worthless. Now I will never say that I think God is worthless, because he is the only thing in the universe really worth anything at all. Just I do not get much out of church the way it is (At least for the 'traditional' services are.) and one of the biggest reasons I go is because God wants me to and has poked me a few times until I started to go regularly. But for the class, sometimes I just get disappointed that there are only two people, I wonder if they are really learning anything, (Which I know they are, but these are thoughts that go on in my mind.) and why do I waste my time with it. 

I even feel this way about this blog. I look at the traffic flow, the lack of anyone clicking an ad, (I know most people don't like to click ads, I do not blame you.) and I feel, is this blog worth it, does anyone even care, why would they care, I should just give up. So when I actually notice God whispering so loudly to me I cannot believe I couldn't hear him, it usually makes me feel emotions and encouragement. 

From Liberty.edu

I am dense. I mean really dense. Women like to joke around about guys and how dense they are, well all the jokes are based on me. I am that kind of dense. I know things, like how much God loves me, how He shows it everyday, how amazing He is, yet doubt, fear, self-hate, all of the above or any combination of the above, creep in and I forget these things and despair that what I do doesn't matter. And then comes the sadness and the giving up and wondering why God never talks to me. I just want to hear his voice. 

I don't always hear God, but sometimes I can still get his message. Today on my verse of the day it was Galatians 6:9-10 (HCSB):

"So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith." 

I always liked the verse and it has long been one of the ones I keep in my head to help me keep going when I just feel like giving up. Then tonight I was doing my boring drum of Facebook (which consists of reading through a lot of posts from other websites and people I am only occasionally interested in) and saw link to a video titled You Matter shared by a record company called Come & Live. I watched the video and right away felt God talking. 

In the video, Tommy Green of Sleeping Giant was talking to people who are wanting to/already serving in ministry. 

"Just look at Jesus and run after him as hard as you can and we are going to build the Kingdom despite American culture, like we are winning."

This seems to fit so well with where I often end up with the blog. How important it is to keep our eyes squarely fixed on Jesus yet also encourages people who are just starting out in Christ and his ministries.

I may not be able to hear his voice yet, but his messages still can get through my dense skull. As soon as I felt this, I logged in over here to share it with you all. I know it has been a slow start to the year, but slow or not, more is coming. Maybe someday I can go down to part time and just write this more and more every month. Until then God be with you my friends. Play some good games, love God with all you are, and thanks for reading.