The Hum

I have an anger at churches that I'm not real sure when it started. Never has any church done me wrong, nor have the people in them. But when Sunday comes along I begin grumbling and complaining and sometimes even get mad because I don't want to go. Sure it would be easy not to go, but for months before I headed back to church I felt God telling me I had to go. It was almost like a guilt feeling when I didn't go, like I knew I did something wrong as when I was a child. So I go, grumbling and all, in an effort to find some peace and to praise God.

I know church is not needed to praise God, and we should be doing it every day, as much as we can, because God is good all the time. But church is supposed to be the go to place where you are at peace and can comfortably lift your hands in worship of God, yet when I go, I do not find that praise time.

Sometimes I have to do the slides for the service, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I do find resentment in having to do it. So I let the annoyance of having to do the slides interfere with my praising and I complain that that I cannot go to church to praise. 

Recently I have been trying to actually allow myself to get into the songs, listen to the sermon, try not to be too distracted by the things that pop into my head while the sermon is going on, and I feel church is getting better. But I still do not like going to church. As I work on my side of the problem I am faced with the other side, the people at church. The people, one on one, are all very nice, are all friendly, even if its a snobbish friendliness. 

You can go in, and as long as you aren't in their seat, they will be friendly and sometimes even helpful if they offer you a place to sit. However, if you sit in the back and listen hard, you can hear the gossip being thrown around the room. I am great at sitting and being unnoticed. I do not like to ever be the center of attention, but rather would sit back, give support, and watch as things unfold.

"So this is
The reason
The sanctuary hums
God save us
God save us
From your chosen ones"

As a whole, not as individuals, but a collective of church people across all denominations, Christians are nothing but an angry bunch of jerks, who judge, condemn, and live as if they are better than the rest. And people see this. This isn't my view because I know better, only a few of them are like this at all, but they are the loud ones. No this view is one I was told from people I work with. This is a view from people who are out driving to work or the store, around the time churches are getting out,  while people pull out in front of them, cut them off in parking lots, all while having fish on their cars, crosses on the windows, and leaving the parking lots of their respective church.

How are we to win people over to Christ, if they see these things. Though my view of individuals is not of jerks and anger, it is very often the view of the drivers. I have seen a mom driving a car full of kids, talking on the phone with one hand while reaching in the back to take stuff from their kids, all while driving down the road at 65 mph. 

Yet because of so much voice and not enough action on people's part, which I sadly am also guilty of, the followers of Christ become one of the biggest causes of atheism in the world. And it is a trend that is on the rise and soon, we will find ourselves in a country who hates us, and will turn laws against us. And we are just accepting it. We sing our ever growing anthem of patriotism but slowly let the anthem drown out our praises of a God who loved us more than any country ever could. We praise a country who takes rights away, gives our money we earned by working, and gives to those who will not work for it, but wont give God the time of day, even one day.

We find faults in those chosen to shepherd and guide us, we complain when we are told that we are the ones responsible to bring people to church, and are more than willing to throw our leaders under the bus, but line up with our government and say how great a world we live in. People miss the great heart filled sermons given from the pastors who love the people of the church, and only take away old grudges and misunderstood words. Pastors work hard to prepare the sermon, and in the small churches, have to do this while attending to the sick, the shut-ins, evenings filled with meetings, often to the lack of personal time.

On Sundays, when I go to church, I grow tired of all the fuss, gossip, lack of actions, when all I really want to do, is praise God, be surrounded by believers who will help replenish and refresh my soul. I want a time where I can be with God in close worship, with others who also want this. I hurts me to think that people have agendas at church, stupid stuff like where snow is piled, or replacing dated looking colored glass with more dated looking colored glass. I feel sadness that people will fight wit and work to replace people who care so much for them. I hate going to church. But never will I, even if I lose everything I have, ever hate my God.

So I will take my worship from the dead churches of this dying country, and replace the one day a week with seven days a week. Might only be a few hours some days, a while longer on others, but my praises will be continuous, regardless of how our churches fail. And while I praise, I will pray. I will pray for the churches, the ones are dying because a few people can't trust God enough. I will pray for a dying country, who is rapidly growing to hate me simply because I love God. I will pray for the day God comes back, Jesus in all his Glory, shinning before all the nations. 

I Will Follow Jesus

I have talked about how much I like my guild in World of Warcraft in the past, and even though I do not play WoW any longer, the guild still has been such an influence in my life. I have talked how they became like a family to me, been there when I need them, and gave me a place to rest and restore, even if through an avatar. The guilds, clans, or whatever a game may call them, are a very important part of the human nature.

We, as humans, want and need a leader to follow. Even if we are striving to be that leader, we still had to have a good leader to teach us how to be good followers, which enables us to be good leaders. This goes every where in our life. At work you have your boss, a good boss will bring the whole group together and accomplish much. In our towns, cities, states and up to the federal government, we want and need leaders who will do what is best for the people.

Here in the States, we elect representatives to make those choices to better our lives and our republic. Some confuse this with a democracy, but unless the people are the sole power, we should use the term republic. In a republic, we always have a scapegoat to blame. But back on point, this is a good point that we need and want a leader who will lead us and help better our lives.

In a guild like WoW's the leaders are rarely chosen by the guild, but we have the option to leave when we want, make our own, or just be a lone wolf in the game. But when you find a guild with a leader that thinks, and leads along the lines that you are think and want, a guild doesn't have to be large to have a strong group of people.

Last time I was online, my guild had over 400 people. Not the largest guild out there, but a good size, with a bunch of people playing the game differently, or maybe the same way as you want to. Most people settle in with a guild, even if its not ideal, for the perks of being in one or because it simply gives them a place to stay. Sometimes it gives them a bit of meaning in what they do.

I think if you take a look at people, this structure is what is deeply embedded in our minds. Scientists would say it is a left over remnant of when we were monkeys and we needed to survive in groups. I think it is something that God set in our minds, just as ancient and deeply embedded and also put there for our survival.

Since being in a group, with a strong, good leader in charge is so fundamentally natural in our minds, we put together governments and religions, villages and cities, so we aren't alone. Yet so many still feel so alone because the leaders they chose aren't accessible, or they can't relate to your plight because they have never been in your shoes.

But God gave us a leader, a mighty good leader, a strong leader, a leader who has been in our shoes, he can relate to anything we are dealing with, and came out the other side as a victor and most of all is the only savior there is. We find faults in our leaders we choose, and the fall, like all men do. But Jesus will never fall, is promises will be fulfilled, and we will never find a fault in him.

In Jesus, all of our comforts and needs or wants of a leader who will also protect our lives, is satisfied. He is our foundation and we can do anything as long as he is in control and we follow his lead. We do not need to fear, do not need to need, nor want, but be fulfilled in Jesus' love and guidance. With God as our leader, we wouldn't need borders, because we would all be brothers and sisters. we wouldn't need guns for defense because there would be no one to attack us. But sadly we aren't safe.

Found over here.

We need our guns for the safety of our family and our lives, we need borders to keep those who would harm us out. We need defenses and weapons because our fellow man wants to kill us. They want to kill us, even if you don't believe in God. They want to force you into submission and have power over you, or they want you dead. Sadly, this also is the nature of humans. To harm those we see as weak and inferior. We are a terrible species. We have our bright moments, some very good people manage to come out of the darkness we created and love, but the heart of man is dark.

Christians, though far from being good, have looked into ourselves and we see we are dark, we see the hate in our hearts yet we long for a change. So we will line up with Jesus, though it will cost greatly, our reward is that much the better. Christians should strive to be more like Jesus every day. Filling our hearts with love and light, to push the hate and darkness away. We have a leader who has shown us it can be done. He did it himself, and yet it cost him is life, he came back and showed a dying world how great of a leader he is. How great a love he has for us all. How willing he is to end the darkness and hate for good. In time he will do it, and until either he comes back, or my life ends, I will follow the only leader I will ever bend my knee to, the only leader I will lower my eyes before. I will follow Jesus.