The Hum

I have an anger at churches that I'm not real sure when it started. Never has any church done me wrong, nor have the people in them. But when Sunday comes along I begin grumbling and complaining and sometimes even get mad because I don't want to go. Sure it would be easy not to go, but for months before I headed back to church I felt God telling me I had to go. It was almost like a guilt feeling when I didn't go, like I knew I did something wrong as when I was a child. So I go, grumbling and all, in an effort to find some peace and to praise God.

I know church is not needed to praise God, and we should be doing it every day, as much as we can, because God is good all the time. But church is supposed to be the go to place where you are at peace and can comfortably lift your hands in worship of God, yet when I go, I do not find that praise time.

Sometimes I have to do the slides for the service, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I do find resentment in having to do it. So I let the annoyance of having to do the slides interfere with my praising and I complain that that I cannot go to church to praise. 

Recently I have been trying to actually allow myself to get into the songs, listen to the sermon, try not to be too distracted by the things that pop into my head while the sermon is going on, and I feel church is getting better. But I still do not like going to church. As I work on my side of the problem I am faced with the other side, the people at church. The people, one on one, are all very nice, are all friendly, even if its a snobbish friendliness. 

You can go in, and as long as you aren't in their seat, they will be friendly and sometimes even helpful if they offer you a place to sit. However, if you sit in the back and listen hard, you can hear the gossip being thrown around the room. I am great at sitting and being unnoticed. I do not like to ever be the center of attention, but rather would sit back, give support, and watch as things unfold.

"So this is
The reason
The sanctuary hums
God save us
God save us
From your chosen ones"

As a whole, not as individuals, but a collective of church people across all denominations, Christians are nothing but an angry bunch of jerks, who judge, condemn, and live as if they are better than the rest. And people see this. This isn't my view because I know better, only a few of them are like this at all, but they are the loud ones. No this view is one I was told from people I work with. This is a view from people who are out driving to work or the store, around the time churches are getting out,  while people pull out in front of them, cut them off in parking lots, all while having fish on their cars, crosses on the windows, and leaving the parking lots of their respective church.

How are we to win people over to Christ, if they see these things. Though my view of individuals is not of jerks and anger, it is very often the view of the drivers. I have seen a mom driving a car full of kids, talking on the phone with one hand while reaching in the back to take stuff from their kids, all while driving down the road at 65 mph. 

Yet because of so much voice and not enough action on people's part, which I sadly am also guilty of, the followers of Christ become one of the biggest causes of atheism in the world. And it is a trend that is on the rise and soon, we will find ourselves in a country who hates us, and will turn laws against us. And we are just accepting it. We sing our ever growing anthem of patriotism but slowly let the anthem drown out our praises of a God who loved us more than any country ever could. We praise a country who takes rights away, gives our money we earned by working, and gives to those who will not work for it, but wont give God the time of day, even one day.

We find faults in those chosen to shepherd and guide us, we complain when we are told that we are the ones responsible to bring people to church, and are more than willing to throw our leaders under the bus, but line up with our government and say how great a world we live in. People miss the great heart filled sermons given from the pastors who love the people of the church, and only take away old grudges and misunderstood words. Pastors work hard to prepare the sermon, and in the small churches, have to do this while attending to the sick, the shut-ins, evenings filled with meetings, often to the lack of personal time.

On Sundays, when I go to church, I grow tired of all the fuss, gossip, lack of actions, when all I really want to do, is praise God, be surrounded by believers who will help replenish and refresh my soul. I want a time where I can be with God in close worship, with others who also want this. I hurts me to think that people have agendas at church, stupid stuff like where snow is piled, or replacing dated looking colored glass with more dated looking colored glass. I feel sadness that people will fight wit and work to replace people who care so much for them. I hate going to church. But never will I, even if I lose everything I have, ever hate my God.

So I will take my worship from the dead churches of this dying country, and replace the one day a week with seven days a week. Might only be a few hours some days, a while longer on others, but my praises will be continuous, regardless of how our churches fail. And while I praise, I will pray. I will pray for the churches, the ones are dying because a few people can't trust God enough. I will pray for a dying country, who is rapidly growing to hate me simply because I love God. I will pray for the day God comes back, Jesus in all his Glory, shinning before all the nations.