Engagement

So I finally decided to try and get back into an MMO. I thought about it a lot and I really missed playing them. So I noticed an ad for Wildstar, which is now free to play. I got lucky and got to play in the beta, and also subscribed for about 2 months after its release. I really liked the game, though there were a few things I didn't like. But it made me feel like World of Warcraft did when I first started. I was excited to play it. So I downloaded it and logged on.

I had made a new character because I forgot how to play the ones I had and dived right in. I noticed they changed how the start of the game went. I actually think they dumbed it down a little. Or maybe I found the intro a little less engaging. Not a big deal really, as you didn't even get to get into the stuff that made the game fun. So off I went with a new character and remembered how much fun it is to play different types of games.

But as I was playing, I remembered the feeling I had while I was playing WoW. And I am not sure why, but while I was playing, I kept having a feeling of something missing, almost an emptiness. I found the game very fun, and still would recommend it to people who are into the games like them. It looks good, has good humor, moves well (Though the characters feel just a tiny bit floaty to me.), and has a large open world do dive head first into. I honestly think Wildstar is a great and fun game.

But what I was feeling is kinda hard to say. All the chat in towns, some of it nice, some not so much, the masses of people in the cities, they just kept leaving me with a feeling of lacking. It's really hard to explain. Maybe it reminds me of all the good times I had. Times filled with guildmates, good friends, scouring the depths of the world and finding secrets that meant something to us. But while those memories are good, I felt lacking because there really wasn't much interacting with each other.

Okay sure there was talking and actually playing the game, but there was nothing where we built off of each other as the game went on. Raids I guess are supposed to do that, but after a few deaths in them, even if it used for a learning experience, its hard to want to go on with them. Which is why my time in a raiding guild didn't last for very long. Plus, after you make one character in each faction, you have now played all the game has. You would grow closer to your friends, but there was nothing, for me, being used outside of a small portion of my mind.

And I think that is why, for me, I don't think I will ever fully be back into an MMO. Actually that feeling makes it hard for me to finish most games. I do not get a feeling of completion or of growth, even if I do complete the game. I tend to get more feelings of the time spent, and at worst the time wasted. Lord knows I have wasted a lot of time on people that really didn't deserve to have any. The wounds they caused are healed, I do not miss them, but they will forever be part of what I have become.

While I was in the game I had fun but there was nothing in it that made me want to play for hours every night. Oddly the only game I have played in a long time that still can make me want to play for hours and hours is Minecraft. I do get that feeling of completion when you finally finish that massive build you didn't think was going to be so big. I get a feeling of growing, building off each others insights, like spit-balling long into the night about what you want to build next.

But even though I personally feel more depth in my mind, anyway I look at it, games always leave me wanting something else. Something that is hard to put into words, but is like a chunk in your soul that is missing. Wildstar and WoW might be able to fill parts of it, especially if you have an amazing guild that still talks to you even though you don't play the game anymore like I do. But for me, I worry that gaming as a whole, something I have loved for so long, has just left me with a hole. It doesn't engage me like it used to.

But I am always looking for that next game that will pull me in and let me release myself in it, help me to let go of the noise of the world after a long day of work. Ease any stress that has been building up in me. I do not call myself a gamer anymore. Once a long time ago, I would have said hardcore gamer even, but now I am just a geek and a nerd who enjoys playing a few games. I think games should engage your mind as fully as possible, and for me, MMOs do not do it. But I will still dabble from time to time simply because my friends were the best. There is still one I talk to just about every day who is rather amazing. You know who you are.