Sharing In Joy

I have this sadness in my heart sometimes. It comes from different things, but it feels the same way. One example of the feeling, is when someone shows me something they are very proud about, whether it was something they made, or they bought, it is something they are happy to show off. I look at the said item and I think to myself "That's dumb, why should I care about this?" Then when I look back I feel a small pang of guilt, but also a sadness in me. I am sure this has to do with my depression that fights its way up time and time again, and I kick it back down each time.

Interestingly it is the same feeling when I am on the other side of this. I just got something, and am excited about it, and then someone makes a comment that is not mean or hurtful, but more of a dismissive or sometimes even looking down on you because they do not agree with what you did.

For example, I recently bought a Surface Pro 4, which I am typing on at the moment of writing this. I was excited to get it and wanted to show it off to the couple people at work that might also like it. I wanted to show off some of the cool features it can do. I personally love this little tablet. But when I had it at work, someone made a comment, that might not have been condescending, but it sounded like it. I do not remember exactly what was said, but basically they made a comment about putting something like this on a charge just after paying it off.

Then I felt this regret type of sadness which is the same way I feel when I am not excited about something someone else is. I want to share in their joy, in my head at least, but because I am a bit judgmental of things myself, I have a hard time finding that joy. Because I am not a father, and who knows when I might be, I wonder how it is when your child runs up to you with a horrible looking picture, smiling and is so very excited to give you this thing. Will I feel this regret/guilt sadness when I think back about it, or am I going to treasure it?

I am sure I will treasure it. I have so many little treasures in my room from people or silly moments and yet will always have room for more. Like a little rubber ducky that my sister gave to me last time she visited. I have no need for a rubber ducky, but since it was black she thought of me, and now it sits on my desk. I look at it, I feel happy, and I miss my little sister. Shh, don't tell her.

I know in my heart, this is the feeling I should be having when someone brings up something they just have to have and are so excited about it. I want to feel happy and smile with them because they are happy. For me it is really hard to feel really happy for someone else sometimes. Heck its hard to feel really happy for myself most of the time, but I want to keep working on these things. It is a hard thing when we are stuck only in our heads. I want to share in the joy of the small moments, the happiness in the small things with the people I share a world with.

I want to fill my life up with more joy. Joy in my friends, in my family, so that there is no more regret/guilt in my life. I want to learn to be happy in all the small things and large things, the good things and the bad things. I think that if we allow ourselves to experience and share in the joy with each other maybe we can get a glimpse of what it could be like not being stuck inside this fleshy prison.

It is the season of joy after all. Where we stop thinking about ourselves for a little while and start thinking about others. While tracing the etymology of Joy around I found that it is from the PIE root of gau- meaning "To Rejoice" Rejoice literally means to be glad again. Joir meaning be glad, and the prefix re-, again. Maybe this season we can work on being glad again so that we can pass the joy and happiness to the next person and then the next.

Paul told us to "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Maybe we should really do this, open our hearts emotionally to each other so that maybe we can get a tiny, but more complete taste of what the Love of God is like.