A New Beginning

I have been gone a long time. Sure, there was a post 2023, but I really haven't been here since 2020 when I felt the call to become a pastor. When I was told no, despite them loving the blog I read to them, I couldn't hear the call any longer. It's amazing how in 2020, some old man who grew up without a computer, probably reading books by candlelight, can still look down on people who play video games to relax. It wasn't even the video games, it was the computer as a whole, he looked down on me because I use the computer to design 3d objects to be able to print and sell. But it is what it is, one cannot be everything to everyone. 

But it really has been a long time. A lot has happened. I moved what store I work at and was put on the manager track. Then I became a manager at my old store when my old boss left the company. I have been doing general manager things for a few months short of 2 years. It's been a wild ride. There is a lot that I wish I could change, a different path leading to a location much like the one I am at now. but I can't change that. 

Now the biggest and best change, I had been dating a woman for a year and a half and been engaged to her for a year. This past January we got married in Brazil and now we have a long process getting her visa to come live here permanently. It all made me scared, but I was looking forward to it, and now I love being married to her.

Recently when I was feeling a little down, probably from exhaustion. I began to think about where I am supposed to be in life. Did I miss God's call, or has it changed, and I am where he needs me to be? I don't know, but I do know I thought a lot about this blog and thought I should do this again, even if no one reads it. I know it will find the right person. 

I want to bring the blog back. Focus on writing more. Maybe more than just what the blog has been, adding more secular things. By that I mean things like my short stories or making new ones, maybe bring back Blog Adventures. You have to be around for a long time to know that one. I want to spend more time with God, more time focusing on his Word and become a better follower of Christ. Not just for myself, but for my wife, for our family and whatever the future may hold. 

I hope you will join me as we start this anew, build this up to be something. Thank you for reading. If you just found me, I hope you stick around. If you have been here for a while now, maybe even the beginning, I thank you for being here. I hope God will use me to be whatever he needs me to be. 

Rambles of a Downer

Many years ago, I applied to become a pastor in the UMC. I ultimately was not accepted but while I was there, the first day and night affected me a lot. It has been a long time since I have thought about this night, but I was not in a good place. I felt lost. Very lost. 

I originally didn't post this as it might be too much honesty, but since all of that is behind me, maybe my thoughts are similar to yours. Maybe they can help you. 

So, I am sitting here in my room at the Residence Inn in Worthington Ohio. It is the end of the first day, and my last night here, of the Candidacy Summit and I should be sleeping in preparation of the next day. Today I met four very wonderful people, whom I hope will be in my life, in some way, many years to the future. My mentor as I go forward through the many steps in wherever my path is heading, and three other candidates who are also going through these steps.

We are all in the same boat, we love God, we want to do what he wants us to do and are throwing ourselves into this. Yet, I feel that if this were a cruise ship, I would be in those tiny rooms with no windows and barely enough room to change clothes and they would have a balcony room. And I am sitting here feeling discouraged.

I hear their stories, how God has done something for them, and I don't have something like that. My mother has her turned over leaves, they have something, and I have, "I said God wanted me to be a pastor, and I ignored it." Not an exciting story. I know that my story is good, that there are those who have "exciting" stories wish they had something like mine. But here is the thing, I have never doubted God existed, never doubted he did stuff for me, but I don't have anything to tell.

I was told I needed to expand on my story, and I do get that, it was three paragraphs, but I managed to put "God said be a pastor, I ignored it." into a three-paragraph story. I think I did pretty good. But that is fine, I need to do that anyways, I knew it wasn't enough. But I kind of saw it as the story of my call on my life. I didn't see any big need for extra detail about my life.

I feel like people take more serious the ones with stories to show how flawed they were, and Jesus still can use them and indeed show His power in everyday life. But I question myself and why God would choose me. What do I have that can help anyone? I haven't had addictions, a bad family, a hard life or anything that people can inspire others with. Why does he want me here when all I want to do is live in the woods with my 3d printers and high-speed internet. God, why me?

My parents are telling me to stay strong, keep going and don't be discouraged. But it's hard when you feel like a fraud, like a fish out of water hopelessly flailing around never to get to water again. 

Drowning in the nothingness.

But I guess that is any big steps. The feeling of being lost. And it is bringing to light failures in my walk with God. I believe, but where is the proof of my faith, what are the fruits. Is God going to cut me down because I haven't born fruit?

What mission am I supposed to complete. Where is he putting my talents to work and why is he so silent? Is it me that is too loud? You can ask anyone in my class, I'm not particularly loud. God is using these people in my class already, but when I am asked, I have no response. I feel so lost.

Lord, help me and put me where I need to be. Help me to be more loving and caring. Move me further into the sea but hold my head above the waters so I can still see you. Lord, help me. Here I am.

Devotional: Stay Unpolluted

Scripture: James 1:27 (NIV) "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

In the book of James, we find practical wisdom and guidance for living out our faith in a genuine way. In the first chapter, James highlights an essential aspect of true religion that pleases God: caring for the vulnerable and maintaining purity in a corrupt world.

James reminds us that God's perspective on religion is not confined to religious rituals or outward displays of piety. Rather, true religion is marked by a compassionate heart and a transformed life.

Firstly, James directs our attention to the call to look after orphans and widows in their distress. Throughout the Bible, God's heart for the marginalized and vulnerable is evident. He is deeply concerned for those who are alone, without protection or provision. As followers of Christ, we are called to reflect this heart of compassion. We are to extend our care and support to those who are in need, especially those who have lost loved ones and are facing life's challenges alone. By reaching out to the orphans and widows, we demonstrate the love of God in tangible ways, providing comfort, assistance, and a sense of belonging.

from bible.com

Secondly, James emphasizes the importance of keeping oneself from being polluted by the world. The world we live in is filled with influences that can lead us astray, drawing us into sinful behaviors and compromising our integrity. To live a life that pleases God, we must guard our hearts, minds, and actions against the corrupting influences of the world. This requires us to be discerning and intentional about the choices we make, the company we keep, and the values we uphold. By staying rooted in God's Word, seeking His guidance, and relying on the power of the Holy Spirit, we can navigate the challenges of the world without compromising our faith and values.

As we reflect on James 1:27, let us examine our lives and ask ourselves: Are we actively reaching out to the vulnerable and marginalized? Are we living with a heart of compassion, seeking to alleviate the distress of those in need? And are we guarding ourselves against the polluting influences of the world? May our lives reflect true religion—a faith that is pure, genuine, and pleasing to God.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for revealing to us the true essence of religion. Help us to have hearts filled with compassion for the vulnerable and marginalized. Empower us to extend our care, support, and love to those who are in need. Grant us discernment to recognize the polluting influences of the world and the strength to resist them. Guide us by Your Spirit, that our lives may reflect true religion, pleasing in Your sight. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

May you be blessed as you seek to live out true religion by caring for others and remaining faithful to God's calling.