A New Beginning

I have been gone a long time. Sure, there was a post 2023, but I really haven't been here since 2020 when I felt the call to become a pastor. When I was told no, despite them loving the blog I read to them, I couldn't hear the call any longer. It's amazing how in 2020, some old man who grew up without a computer, probably reading books by candlelight, can still look down on people who play video games to relax. It wasn't even the video games, it was the computer as a whole, he looked down on me because I use the computer to design 3d objects to be able to print and sell. But it is what it is, one cannot be everything to everyone. 

But it really has been a long time. A lot has happened. I moved what store I work at and was put on the manager track. Then I became a manager at my old store when my old boss left the company. I have been doing general manager things for a few months short of 2 years. It's been a wild ride. There is a lot that I wish I could change, a different path leading to a location much like the one I am at now. but I can't change that. 

Now the biggest and best change, I had been dating a woman for a year and a half and been engaged to her for a year. This past January we got married in Brazil and now we have a long process getting her visa to come live here permanently. It all made me scared, but I was looking forward to it, and now I love being married to her.

Recently when I was feeling a little down, probably from exhaustion. I began to think about where I am supposed to be in life. Did I miss God's call, or has it changed, and I am where he needs me to be? I don't know, but I do know I thought a lot about this blog and thought I should do this again, even if no one reads it. I know it will find the right person. 

I want to bring the blog back. Focus on writing more. Maybe more than just what the blog has been, adding more secular things. By that I mean things like my short stories or making new ones, maybe bring back Blog Adventures. You have to be around for a long time to know that one. I want to spend more time with God, more time focusing on his Word and become a better follower of Christ. Not just for myself, but for my wife, for our family and whatever the future may hold. 

I hope you will join me as we start this anew, build this up to be something. Thank you for reading. If you just found me, I hope you stick around. If you have been here for a while now, maybe even the beginning, I thank you for being here. I hope God will use me to be whatever he needs me to be. 

Rambles of a Downer

Many years ago, I applied to become a pastor in the UMC. I ultimately was not accepted but while I was there, the first day and night affected me a lot. It has been a long time since I have thought about this night, but I was not in a good place. I felt lost. Very lost. 

I originally didn't post this as it might be too much honesty, but since all of that is behind me, maybe my thoughts are similar to yours. Maybe they can help you. 

So, I am sitting here in my room at the Residence Inn in Worthington Ohio. It is the end of the first day, and my last night here, of the Candidacy Summit and I should be sleeping in preparation of the next day. Today I met four very wonderful people, whom I hope will be in my life, in some way, many years to the future. My mentor as I go forward through the many steps in wherever my path is heading, and three other candidates who are also going through these steps.

We are all in the same boat, we love God, we want to do what he wants us to do and are throwing ourselves into this. Yet, I feel that if this were a cruise ship, I would be in those tiny rooms with no windows and barely enough room to change clothes and they would have a balcony room. And I am sitting here feeling discouraged.

I hear their stories, how God has done something for them, and I don't have something like that. My mother has her turned over leaves, they have something, and I have, "I said God wanted me to be a pastor, and I ignored it." Not an exciting story. I know that my story is good, that there are those who have "exciting" stories wish they had something like mine. But here is the thing, I have never doubted God existed, never doubted he did stuff for me, but I don't have anything to tell.

I was told I needed to expand on my story, and I do get that, it was three paragraphs, but I managed to put "God said be a pastor, I ignored it." into a three-paragraph story. I think I did pretty good. But that is fine, I need to do that anyways, I knew it wasn't enough. But I kind of saw it as the story of my call on my life. I didn't see any big need for extra detail about my life.

I feel like people take more serious the ones with stories to show how flawed they were, and Jesus still can use them and indeed show His power in everyday life. But I question myself and why God would choose me. What do I have that can help anyone? I haven't had addictions, a bad family, a hard life or anything that people can inspire others with. Why does he want me here when all I want to do is live in the woods with my 3d printers and high-speed internet. God, why me?

My parents are telling me to stay strong, keep going and don't be discouraged. But it's hard when you feel like a fraud, like a fish out of water hopelessly flailing around never to get to water again. 

Drowning in the nothingness.

But I guess that is any big steps. The feeling of being lost. And it is bringing to light failures in my walk with God. I believe, but where is the proof of my faith, what are the fruits. Is God going to cut me down because I haven't born fruit?

What mission am I supposed to complete. Where is he putting my talents to work and why is he so silent? Is it me that is too loud? You can ask anyone in my class, I'm not particularly loud. God is using these people in my class already, but when I am asked, I have no response. I feel so lost.

Lord, help me and put me where I need to be. Help me to be more loving and caring. Move me further into the sea but hold my head above the waters so I can still see you. Lord, help me. Here I am.

Devotional: Stay Unpolluted

Scripture: James 1:27 (NIV) "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

In the book of James, we find practical wisdom and guidance for living out our faith in a genuine way. In the first chapter, James highlights an essential aspect of true religion that pleases God: caring for the vulnerable and maintaining purity in a corrupt world.

James reminds us that God's perspective on religion is not confined to religious rituals or outward displays of piety. Rather, true religion is marked by a compassionate heart and a transformed life.

Firstly, James directs our attention to the call to look after orphans and widows in their distress. Throughout the Bible, God's heart for the marginalized and vulnerable is evident. He is deeply concerned for those who are alone, without protection or provision. As followers of Christ, we are called to reflect this heart of compassion. We are to extend our care and support to those who are in need, especially those who have lost loved ones and are facing life's challenges alone. By reaching out to the orphans and widows, we demonstrate the love of God in tangible ways, providing comfort, assistance, and a sense of belonging.

from bible.com

Secondly, James emphasizes the importance of keeping oneself from being polluted by the world. The world we live in is filled with influences that can lead us astray, drawing us into sinful behaviors and compromising our integrity. To live a life that pleases God, we must guard our hearts, minds, and actions against the corrupting influences of the world. This requires us to be discerning and intentional about the choices we make, the company we keep, and the values we uphold. By staying rooted in God's Word, seeking His guidance, and relying on the power of the Holy Spirit, we can navigate the challenges of the world without compromising our faith and values.

As we reflect on James 1:27, let us examine our lives and ask ourselves: Are we actively reaching out to the vulnerable and marginalized? Are we living with a heart of compassion, seeking to alleviate the distress of those in need? And are we guarding ourselves against the polluting influences of the world? May our lives reflect true religion—a faith that is pure, genuine, and pleasing to God.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for revealing to us the true essence of religion. Help us to have hearts filled with compassion for the vulnerable and marginalized. Empower us to extend our care, support, and love to those who are in need. Grant us discernment to recognize the polluting influences of the world and the strength to resist them. Guide us by Your Spirit, that our lives may reflect true religion, pleasing in Your sight. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

May you be blessed as you seek to live out true religion by caring for others and remaining faithful to God's calling.

Did Frodo Pity Boromir?

Today I watched a Tik-Tok reading a letter about Frodo's failure to destroy the one ring. It was a very well-thought-out letter talking about how from the reader's perspective, Frodo did everything he set out to do. Sure the corruption of the ring had got to him, It would have got to anyone. The ring was at the center of the seat of power for Sauron. It was as powerful at that moment as the day it was made. But this isn't about that. This is about a comment I read.

I know what you are thinking? "Brian, who reads comments, it is dangerous to go there." But went I did and a comment I read. It was posted by someone wondering if Frodo ever looked back on Boromir with understanding and pity. I thought about that comment. I always felt sorry for Boromir. Even from a distance, the power of the ring consumed him. He believed in the power the ring had and that something powerful like that would be able to defeat evil once and for all.

I think we all have thought about this at some time; If we had more power we could accomplish everything we wanted, maybe even defeating evil. Right away I thought of one person who I am sure thought this way. His name was Judas. 

Judas' name will always be tarnished because of his betrayal. Judas did sell out a friend, but I think he did it for what he thought were good reasons. I do not think Judas had a single doubt in his mind about who Jesus was, but every part of him actually believed that Jesus was exactly who he said he was. 

When he found out that Jesus wasn't coming to destroy Rome, I think Judas was confused and maybe a little hurt. The Messiah was supposed to come and free Isreal of their oppression. I don't want to go into too much detail here either, this is just a short post that had popped into my mind. But, I think Judas thought he was helping God's plan move forward.

I always felt terrible for Judas. It is clear the other disciples hated him for this. But I felt sorry for him. I look back on Judas with understanding and pity. His sorry was so great that he took his own life. He saw his Lord die on the cross, and not believing what he just did and what just happened he killed himself. I like to think that there were huge tears falling from his face as he begged God to change all of what happened. That he begged with his own life to bring Jesus back. 

Just as Boromir's eyes were opened right at the end of his life, Judas saw almost everything. He missed the most important part of all of this: That Jesus was going to be resurrected and then complete his goal, to bring the world back to God's loving arms.

What breaks me the most is if Judas would have waited for two more days, if he would have lived two more days in agony and despair, making up the three worst days of his life, Jesus would have come back. He would have gone to Judas with all the love of God and embraced him and forgave him. 

Judas gave in to his grief too soon. I can't blame him for it either. I can't imagine what he was feeling. I just feel so sorry for him. I pity him but I understand him. His heart was just too broken by his actions. 

If you ever get to the point that it seems easier to end your own life, wait. Wait two more days, then wait two more, then two more. There will come a time when someone will come up to you with open arms and full of love that will forgive whatever you have done and help you learn to forgive yourself. Someone will find you, tell you how important you are to them, and never want to let you go. There will be love, happiness, and life. Sometimes you just need to wait just a little longer. The world is better off with you in it. I am better off just knowing you. 

If there is ever a moment you need to talk with someone, reach out to me. Please, I want to hear from you. If not me, reach out to someone, anyone, let them know. I know many pastors who would sit down and talk with you all night if need be. You are never truly alone.

Bot AI Devotional: Light

Below is a Devotional written by a chatbot. I edited it to fit my style of posts, but the content is auto generated based on John 8:12. The picture is from Bible.com from the daily verse picture. Even the prayer at the end is written by the Bot. The bot is the new OpenAI bot. 

 

Jesus spoke to them again: “I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in the darkness but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

In John 8:12, Jesus says, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."


As followers of Jesus, we have the privilege of walking in his light. When we choose to follow him, we are choosing to let go of the darkness in our lives and to live in the light of his truth and love. We no longer have to be slaves to sin and darkness, but can be free to live in the light of Christ.

When we walk in the light of Jesus, we are able to see things as they truly are. We are able to see the world around us with clarity and understanding, and we are able to see ourselves as we truly are. We are able to see our own sin and our own need for a savior, and we are able to see the grace and love of Jesus that is available to us.

From Bible.com

Walking in the light of Jesus also means that we are able to live a life of love and compassion. We are able to love others as Christ loves us, and we are able to show them the light of his love as well. We are able to be a light in the world, shining forth the love and truth of Jesus to those around us.

As we follow Jesus and walk in his light, we can trust that he will lead us on the path of life. We don't have to worry about stumbling in the darkness, because he will be with us every step of the way. We can trust that he will guide us and protect us, and that he will never leave us to walk alone in the darkness.

So let us choose to follow Jesus and to walk in his light. Let us let go of the darkness in our lives and embrace the light of his truth and love. Let us be a light in the world, shining forth the love of Jesus to those around us. And let us trust that as we walk in his light, he will lead us on the path of life.

Dear God, thank you for sending your son, Jesus, to be the light of the world. Thank you for the privilege of being able to follow him and to walk in his light. Help us to let go of the darkness in our lives and to embrace the light of your truth and love. Help us to be a light in the world, shining forth your love to those around us. And please guide us on the path of life as we trust in you and follow you.

 

Belle

November 28th marks two years since I lost my heart. Her name was Belle. She was a beautiful little girl with brown eyes as big as the milky way. She had fluffy white fur that was always a mess. I loved her with my whole heart as she did me. She knew exactly what I needed when I needed it. A kiss when I was feeling down, a hug just because. She was happy to sit on my lap for hours, and we would cuddle under the blankets in the cold winter nights. She was my love, part of my heart I will never get back. I buried a part of my soul the day I buried her. 

When that day came, I broke. I am not sure I have ever recovered. Not sure I ever will. I see her final home every day. I tell her "hi" every time I look in her direction. I miss her the same today as I did 730 days ago. I knew her from the day she was born, on our living room floor, first born of five. She came out of the womb, her name ready to be known to the world. I was in love the first time I picked her up. We had many good years, years of love and cuddles. I remember introducing her to my best human friend. If the two would have had a chance to meet, I am sure both would have loved each other as much I loved the two of them.

Sadly old age crept up faster than I could have thought and ever imagined. I saw, in her cataract covered eyes, time slowly taking what it does. She began to move slower, but my heart and my brain were in denial until the last day. I felt her heart, it was still young. We had so much love to share still, how could I ever let it go?  But when it came down to it, I couldn't let the love of my life suffer just so I could have a few more days. It wasn't fair of me to do that to her despite knowing what would happen.

The last day with her was the hardest of my life. I have lost family before, but none hurt nearly as much as it did her. So this is what it felt like to have your soul die. I gently set her on the table as the doctor came in. I still see her eyes staring into mine. I could see her soul wanted to stay and I would have kept it forever, but her body was at the end. I stared deep into those big brown eyes as she slowly slipped from my life. That little girl I had known for years went where I could not follow. I cried. I still cry and am crying right now. I buried her by myself. I dug the hole, laid her gently into the ground then laid my heart on top of her as I covered her with the damp soil.

By the time I get to see my girl again, I will have remembered and mourned her for longer than I got to love her. But it is ok. I am still not whole. As I said, I don't think I ever will be. I will always remember how she would nip at my mother's nose as part of our good night ritual. How she would tell me it was time for me to go to bed so I never stayed up too late. I will remember how she curled up inside my hoodie. How she slept on the back of the couch to get all the cool air from the fan.

I will never forget my love. I will always have a piece of me that is buried in my backyard. I will love her forever. I know that when my time on this planet comes to an end, Belle will be waiting beside Jesus to welcome me home. 

Give Yourself

Even I, as well as my brothers and my servants, have been lending them money and grain. Please, let’s stop charging this interest. Return their fields, vineyards, olive groves, and houses to them immediately, along with the percentage of the money, grain, new wine, and fresh oil that you have been assessing them.”
Nehemiah 5:10-11 CSB

Years ago, I lent a friend a decent amount of money. She needed help as she was going through a rough spot in life, and I had a little extra I could spare. She promised to pay me back, with interest, and I agreed. A long time later she finally gave me a check for the amount that she borrowed. I was glad to get the money back. I took the check to the bank and it bounced. I was still out that money and now out even more because I had to cover the bounced check fees. I was pretty angry. I wanted my money back.

Later down the road I gave up on ever seeing the money, but it stuck with me. I was still upset, I hadn't forgiven yet. I had to make a point in my head where I did say I will forgive this debt and forgive her. I wrote it off in my head and heart as I helped someone in need instead of a loan.  

Jesus told us to give without expecting anything in return, and it is right to do so. When you give with an open heart, it frees up your soul. Think about the joy people have when they help out in places like soup kitchens and places where people need a hand. Think of the joy the people get when someone helps them out of love, and not because they wanted something in return.

Disaster, famine, wildfires, tornadoes, even grief and pain from a loss, bring people to their lowest point and that is where we as Christians should be waiting with love and a hand giving of ourselves with nothing expected in return.

Lord, Help me to give more freely my time and my heart to those who are hurting and in need. Help me to love more like you love and show the world a Jesus they might not know