Story of Konowa: Part 3

Being able to be someone else for a short time is so amazing and free. But I found that that feeling only lasts for a short time. Eventually you have to come back to the real world, and back to your life. So many people, me included, think "If only I could go away and become someone else, I would be happier." We all have a desire to be who we want to be, and be free.

People are searching for this their whole lives. They work hard to make a name for themselves, lose themselves in books, games, or whatever they can. We work hard to be happy and some of us even push others down to make ourselves happier. It seems to be the struggle of the era. One we will all fall prey to over and over again.

But what if I told you that you really don't have to work hard for it. What if you could be exactly who you want to be without any effort at all. When I was playing WoW for hours and hours a day, I slowly began to lose myself by trying to be someone else. I kept searching hard for who I thought I was without ever looking at who I really was. Then I finally realized the truth. It was something that had actually freed me years ago. 

I was a Christian. I was already free to be who I am. In fact, God wants us to be exactly who we are. He made us to be this way and he made us to be companions. When I started writing this, lyrics to one of my favorite bands popped into my head. Showbread wrote a two ablums, released at the same time, one was called Anorexia, the other Nervosa. They tell a story that compliments each other but have an amazing message within them. At the end of the Nervosa album, Nervosa, lying broken and dying within her deep hole she has dug, wakes in a sunlit field and finds that she has been carried to safety by a small lamb who died in the process of rescuing her. The lamb however, resurrects and explains that he had given his life to save Nervosa simply to fulfill his lifelong desire to be with her.

"I have been with you all along, you have not noticed me.' 
Nervosa now felt more ashamed than ever before. 
'Why would you still care enough to save me 
even after seeing the horrible things I have done? 
Why do you remain here even now?' She asked, sobbing. 
'Because, here is where you are,' the Lamb said softly, 
'And I long to be with you.'' 

This is the story of Christ and what he has done for us. He wants to be with us, just as we are, because it has always been his desire from the beginning of time. Jesus is the truth that truly sets us free. We are free to be ourselves, to laugh more, and to be happier more. I know I have said this before, but when I started to actually want to learn more about God, and to do what he wants, I became a happier, better person.

In World of Warcraft, I had crafted a person who was not perfect, he had flaws and he died. He was a mirror of real life even though I wanted him to be something completely different. He was still me, still broken and I was still not happy.

Caly and Kon standing in a beam of light in front of a full moon.

I now look back and I see me in Konowa. He was the best of me as well as the worst of me, written out for everyone to be able to read. His actions were my thoughts. He did what I wanted to do, but could not. Now I can look at him and see that that is not me anymore. I found who I was inside. I like this me a lot more than the old me. Konowa still exists, but his evil deeds, the murder, the blood lust, the lies, the brokenness has been washed away.

Through Christ, I am new. I am a better me until I my faith becomes site, and I am made into the perfect me. I am human. I will fall again, but it has already been forgiven. I can now always be myself, because that's just who I am. Sometimes I am an ass, sometimes I am prince charming, sometimes I am a coward, and sometimes I am a superhero, but I am always me.

It is my prayer, that if you are reading this and don't already know Christ and what it is like to be who you are and who you really want to be, that you take a moment to talk to God. It is simple, but the end game is so far beyond anything you can imagine. I am not going to write things you should say, that is for you and God. But be open and honest, because He already knows the real you, after all he made you.

Recommended reading: Start here with the Gospel of John.