Story of Konowa: Part 4: Authenticity and Hearts.

I know I have said it before, but sometimes things stick out at me and make me think on it. Tonight was a little phrase on the Tin Soldiers Facebook page.

"Authenticity is impossible without vulnerability."

I have very often been called a good friend, best friend, whatever friend, but they are all the same, I am the best friend I can be to everyone. I do care about people even though I say all the time how much I hate them. Even when I dislike them, I want them to be happy and comfortable with me. I want to show them, even if I may dislike you, I still care. That sounds really funny when I read it back. But it is true.

If I had a wish, I would wish for everyone to be happy and friendly. I recently started talking to a good very dear friend of mine. I have mentioned her before, and I still care greatly for her. It was so very nice to talk to her the other night. I am so very happy she is happy were she is and happy with her boyfriend.

I want to be known as being authentically me. In games I go by other names, most often it's Cayel. But even when I don the moniker, I am still me through and through. I hate when people put on a facade. They are friendly and nice to your face, but then when you turn around, they start spouting mean things and verbally stab you in the back. And I can see this all the time.

The saying above is true, I put myself out to my friends farther than most people ever would think to go. I open up and become vulnerable to them. I suppose that is why I develop feelings for some of them. When I open up and so do they, and we mesh and get along so well, its hard not to. I see it as a bit of a problem, but I would rather that than be so closed off I never get hurt.

But where we can do this with our friends and family, we so very often have a hard time doing it with God. Why? God already knows us better than anyone ever could. He knows your very dreams and wants nothing more than to share those with you. Yet we keep him closed off, in our hearts, yes, but not in the part that we show the world.

My little bit of anatomy that I know, our hearts have four chambers. What if our metaphorical hearts also have four chambers. We could have a chamber to show the world, a chamber to show our friends, one to show our family and one for ourselves. Where does God fit in? God really should be the nerve that runs down the center of our heart. What nerve? Well glad you asked.

From Howstuffworks.com

A few months back, one of my co-workers was studying for his EMT classes. He had a physiology book and we were looking through it one night at work, yes, instead of working.  There is a group of cells in the heart that are able to generate electricity on their own. It is called the SA Node. It sends the electrical impulses to the right and left atria, causing them to contract together. Then there is a delay to allow the atria to contract and the ventricles to fill with blood. The electrical impulse continues to travel to the AV node, though the Bundle of His, then it splits into the right and left bundle branches where it rapidly spreads using Purkinje fibers to the muscles of the right and left ventricle, causing them to contract at the same time.

Ok, sorry for the in depth health class there. But you see how this stuff is so amazing?! I don't know what all that means, but I know it is awesome. So if God was that group of cells and nerves that ran the length of your heart and kept it beating 72 times a minute, imagine how much intimacy he has with our hearts.

God would be directly giving energy to each chamber, God would be the center of your world, your friends, your family and you. Isn't that where he should be anyways? God is the power to keep you alive, without you ever having to do anything to stay that way.

Yes yes, there are probably things that can go wrong with that nerve, creating irregular heart beats, heart attacks and whatever, but with God, it works flawlessly day after day, year after year, until God sweeps you into his arms and takes you to be with him. If we let God be that nerve and cells, and let him control each part of our lives, we would open the vulnerability to him as we should. We would still hurt when someone close hurts us, but God would be right there, making sure you keep going, you have the strength to take that next step, then the next and the next.

If you want to be you, be the truest you that you can be, the authentic you, then you have to open yourself to God, you have to become vulnerable to Him and His will for you. Philippians 4:13 says it the best. Below is from the Amplified Bible. I like this version sometimes because it gives other meanings of the words that were used.

13 I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].

I love the last part, I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency. That is so beautiful to me. There is only way to be like that, open your heart to God, become vulnerable to him. It is very hard to do. I mean, God, the creator of everything, who can measure the universe in the palm of his hand, is so big, and we are so small, how could He ever love us. We know he loved us so much that He sent His only son Jesus, who is himself God, to save us from the evil that we brought upon ourselves. That is a lot of love there. It might be even harder for us being so small, to be able to love someone so big. But if we want to be happy, be ourselves and be authentic, then being that vulnerable is the only thing we have.

I hadn't intended to have another follow up to The Story of Konowa, but God put this out there for me to write, so I did. It is so important to be who we are. The world tells us we are not allowed to be who we are sometimes, but God tells us otherwise. I like the idea of being authentic. I like being me. I love the idea and the fact that God loves us being authentic and ourselves. So I guess I will end in a short prayer. I normally don't write any prayers but this just came, actually wrote it before I wrote this part. I think this one needed to end this way. Thanks for reading!


I want to be more vulnerable to you, God. I want to be authentic and real. I want my friends and who ever may read this blog, to know you more deeply and be truly themselves for you. Lord, I pray that you empower my heart with your will, let me beat day after day for you. Let your spirit be the blood that feeds my body. Lord you are the SA node, the AV node, the Bundle of His, and the fibers, you give the spark of life to my heart. Lord, let my heart be like your Son, giving and sustaining my life so that I can show the world You. May you be the center of my four chambered heart and the center of everything that I do. To you Lord, be all glory and honor forever and ever. Amen.