Worship in Aberdeen

On our trip across the pond, we had an opportunity to visit the church where my sister sometimes goes. It is not in a building that looks like a church, but in what looks to be old office space or store even. It did not have the traditional pews it had chairs that actually did not have a vertical back. It didn't even have an alter at the front and center of the room. No, from all intents and purposes looked nothing like a church at all. What it did have, and in abundance, was people standing and praising God with song, body and soul.

The service started with songs. They were unknown to me, but by the time the chorus came around, I was singing with them and was able to enjoy the worship. There were people there of all ages, I saw kids in their teens up to adults in their 70s and maybe older.  And all of them were singing and dancing, arms lifted in worship. There was even an older lady jumping like the teens at a concert. They were into this worship.

I got to go for two services and really wish I could stay for more. I do not want to go back to the boring traditional services where worship is limited to a newer song and couple of hymns. The service was still an hour long but the worship was longer than our traditional service. To me worship is the songs, the praising of God, the blissful abandon of self, giving it all to God on the floor, not announcements and tithing, nor even the message given by the pastor. Sure there is worship in it, but it is more of a teaching and learning session and not complete worship.

This does not mean I think we shouldn't have as much message, it was still close to 30 minutes of thoughtful and inspiring information, just that the events leading up to the message can change. Worship and sing praises, then teach us what God would like us to know, then we are on our way to talk about what we learned. The announcements were all done in a video which lasted for a minutes then followed by a testimony of the power of and testimonials God at work in someone's life.

To summarize the service, it started with at least 3 upbeat songs, maybe four, where you sang and praised God with all your heart, then quick announcements and the offering followed by the message and it was over. No closing song, no extra stuff to take the focus off the message, so you left remembering what you had learned. It built in you a high, set your heart in line with God so you were able to learn what he wanted you to learn.

What seemed the biggest difference to me though was how everyone worshiped. Young and old, they danced and felt the Holy Spirit filling them, where at home, and nearly all of the churches I've been to, a handful of people worship, but it is overshadowed by the rituals and traditions that were old and dated 50 years ago.  Why not change this? Ditch the pews, change the service and fill it with songs, new and exciting. Sing the old hymns in different ways than you have in the past. Dance and praise God and be renewed each week in our tiring fight against the darkness and sin of the world. Change with the times.

Our worship can change. Traditional and modern services shouldn't be two separate things. Everything about the church is putty in the hands of the Lord. What never changes and will never change is the love of God for us, and his salvation for the world. So Sundays should bring us worship and renewal. And this world is screaming for something to engage and fill them. Something to satisfy hearts and souls. Peace and love in all that they do. But the tradition and formality of what so many churches do will not fill the hearts of the world today.

Missed Chances

As I write this I am on a flight to visit my sister in Scotland. I am lucky enough to be able to save enough to get a ticket this year and go meet my new little nephew in time for his first birthday. I am lucky. God has been good to me, even if I complain he likes my mother better. But not everyone has it good on this flight. There is a lady who has a broken foot, or at least very badly sprained, limping with a crutch. She sat across from us as we waited to board the plane.

I do not know her, nor her story, but I do know she is hurting. Red eyes and pain spread all across her face, and it didn't look like it was from the foot. I don't know if she lost someone, or ended a relation, or what, but i could see hurt. And like the fool I am, I looked at her, felt bad, but did not give any words of comfort, support, or anything. I didn't tell her of the comforts God wants to share with her. I didn't do anything even though I have a feeling God wanted me to.

Like many people, I feel uncomfortable approaching strangers. I don't know how to start off, what to say if I manage a greeting, or how to tell her God loves her and cares deeply for her. That he now mourns with her pain. I think we often don't know how to talk about God. It's not that we don't know things to share, I think it has to do with feeling afraid to mention God to a world who hates him, feeling like we aren't enough, we can't comfort those who hurt. What we need to remember is God will give those words to us.

But we will only have those words if we take the chance to speak. There are many people out there hurting today. There is someone near you crying in pain from loss of love or loved ones. Someone who is crying as weight of this heavy world rests on their shoulders instead of the arms of Jesus hanging in the cross. There is someone crying because of hunger. Someone is pleading with all their heart that life just be easy for them for once. People are looking and searching desperately for peace.

Many of them will not find it. Some will lose their lives before they get to live them. Some will give them up instead of pushing through and seeing the sun rise. And some will go walk by, aching and sad, as we walk the other way. When I realized the chance I missed I prayed. I could have been a comfort, maybe a peaceful word, but instead I was a silent passerby. Maybe it's not always my place to ask questions. Sure some just want to be alone. But the world will never know the love of if we don't show it the love of God. It's better to take a chance and show that people out there do care about strangers and be shut down than not ever saying anything.

Engagement

So I finally decided to try and get back into an MMO. I thought about it a lot and I really missed playing them. So I noticed an ad for Wildstar, which is now free to play. I got lucky and got to play in the beta, and also subscribed for about 2 months after its release. I really liked the game, though there were a few things I didn't like. But it made me feel like World of Warcraft did when I first started. I was excited to play it. So I downloaded it and logged on.

I had made a new character because I forgot how to play the ones I had and dived right in. I noticed they changed how the start of the game went. I actually think they dumbed it down a little. Or maybe I found the intro a little less engaging. Not a big deal really, as you didn't even get to get into the stuff that made the game fun. So off I went with a new character and remembered how much fun it is to play different types of games.

But as I was playing, I remembered the feeling I had while I was playing WoW. And I am not sure why, but while I was playing, I kept having a feeling of something missing, almost an emptiness. I found the game very fun, and still would recommend it to people who are into the games like them. It looks good, has good humor, moves well (Though the characters feel just a tiny bit floaty to me.), and has a large open world do dive head first into. I honestly think Wildstar is a great and fun game.

But what I was feeling is kinda hard to say. All the chat in towns, some of it nice, some not so much, the masses of people in the cities, they just kept leaving me with a feeling of lacking. It's really hard to explain. Maybe it reminds me of all the good times I had. Times filled with guildmates, good friends, scouring the depths of the world and finding secrets that meant something to us. But while those memories are good, I felt lacking because there really wasn't much interacting with each other.

Okay sure there was talking and actually playing the game, but there was nothing where we built off of each other as the game went on. Raids I guess are supposed to do that, but after a few deaths in them, even if it used for a learning experience, its hard to want to go on with them. Which is why my time in a raiding guild didn't last for very long. Plus, after you make one character in each faction, you have now played all the game has. You would grow closer to your friends, but there was nothing, for me, being used outside of a small portion of my mind.

And I think that is why, for me, I don't think I will ever fully be back into an MMO. Actually that feeling makes it hard for me to finish most games. I do not get a feeling of completion or of growth, even if I do complete the game. I tend to get more feelings of the time spent, and at worst the time wasted. Lord knows I have wasted a lot of time on people that really didn't deserve to have any. The wounds they caused are healed, I do not miss them, but they will forever be part of what I have become.

While I was in the game I had fun but there was nothing in it that made me want to play for hours every night. Oddly the only game I have played in a long time that still can make me want to play for hours and hours is Minecraft. I do get that feeling of completion when you finally finish that massive build you didn't think was going to be so big. I get a feeling of growing, building off each others insights, like spit-balling long into the night about what you want to build next.

But even though I personally feel more depth in my mind, anyway I look at it, games always leave me wanting something else. Something that is hard to put into words, but is like a chunk in your soul that is missing. Wildstar and WoW might be able to fill parts of it, especially if you have an amazing guild that still talks to you even though you don't play the game anymore like I do. But for me, I worry that gaming as a whole, something I have loved for so long, has just left me with a hole. It doesn't engage me like it used to.

But I am always looking for that next game that will pull me in and let me release myself in it, help me to let go of the noise of the world after a long day of work. Ease any stress that has been building up in me. I do not call myself a gamer anymore. Once a long time ago, I would have said hardcore gamer even, but now I am just a geek and a nerd who enjoys playing a few games. I think games should engage your mind as fully as possible, and for me, MMOs do not do it. But I will still dabble from time to time simply because my friends were the best. There is still one I talk to just about every day who is rather amazing. You know who you are.

Learning to Love

I recently watched a video about two bodies that washed ashore in Norway and the Netherlands. It is a short video, but it really got me thinking. The majority of everyone reading this has life so well. Sure some of us might be lower class even into the poverty level. Sure we wonder if we will eat, we scrape by week after week, living ramen noodles diet. But we have so much more than others out there.

These two bodies, Shadi Omar Kataf and Mouaz Al Balkhi were two refugees from Syria living in France hoping to get into England at hopes of having a better life. In the video, the speaker, Anders Fjellberg, talks shortly on the definitions of a better life. I would imagine many people think that means to have that new tech device, do things with their family, have a new car or just having money. Anders then points how differently the refugees see it, just being safe, having some dignity, not worrying about your house being bombed, not to worry about the traffickers kidnapping you or a loved one.

So they leave, hoping to find some peace in the world. We have life so good. They would be happy just for a roof, yet we have to get that new iPhone. They would be happy with clean water, we buy bottles of water and fill landfills with our waste. They want peace, yet we fight amongst ourselves because of our differences in our denomination. We have so many gods in our lives, we forget to listen to our God. Jesus told us to love, so we close borders and leave these people with nothing.

I am torn in this. I do fear that letting in people, we could be letting in many who want to destroy us, but maybe we shouldn't fear so much that death they might never bring, and begin to fear the sadness we put in God's heart because we don't want to take care of his children who need help. This is a big thing right now but we need to start acting now.

Click HERE for a good read on learning to love and where the pic is from.

There is a big part of me that wants to fly to France and take water, food, clothes, and toiletries to these people. There is part of me that wants to bring them home. Help them get the legal papers to enable them to finally find some peace and security. I have both already, I am blessed. I want to do this because I want to learn to love. I want to learn to care about people I don't know, might never know, because I want to be more like my Jesus.

I think it is time Christians get together and start living life without fear of terror. Let me tell you a secret, you are going to die. Soon I believe it will not be if you die because of your faith, but when you will die. I am not saying we should rush off into death, but love unconditionally until that day comes. What can death do to us that God cannot heal?

Everyone of those refugees has a name. They have family they love. They all matter.




Here is a link to that Video. Take a watch.

Deep Music

"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." [Proverbs 21:13]

 I love heavy metal music and I listen to it rather often. Sure I might go on a rock binge for a while, but I always end up back with the heavy stuff. When I was a kid, finding my place in the music scene, I listened to the "Classic Rock" bands of the Christian scene. Mostly it was Petra for me. One of my favorite albums they had was Sleeping Giant, which I felt was one of their heavier rock albums. The songs that were heavier I listened to more, until a band called Project 86 rocked onto the scene back in the late 90's. 1998 I bought their debut release and self titled album and found myself for the first time in the heavy metal scene.

Eventually I found myself with harder and harder music, bands like Zao, Living Sacrifice, Demon Hunter, and Haste the Day, all bands that I still can fall back to when I want some good music. But this probably seems like a weird thing to talk about when I started off with a Proverbs quote, I'll tie it in in a few seconds.

Thanks to Amazon and their rather heavy behind the scenes "You might like..." algorithm I came across a band who is now a go to for me, For Today. When I first bought their album, Fight the Silence, I thought it was an okay metal album, one that I would listen to a bit and then move on. What I was not expecting was the deep and hard truths they covered.

Songs like the title song Fight the Silence goes on about human trafficking and the fact that slavery is still a big thing in the world today. I found I was guilty myself, of turning a deaf ear and a blind eye to what is going on outside of this country. Not that I was not aware of these things, nor was I not listening to the news of the going on of the world, but I was stuck in the way of thought that "It doesn't concern me." I was just like many others in the country.

Truth is, it concerns me, you and the old lady at church in the back row, just as much as it concerns the family of the girl who was taken to be a prostitute to some rich horror of a man. Why does it concern us? Because we are followers of Christ. If we turn a deaf ear to their cries, where is our love? What good is a love for only "good and decent" people, or people who are like us, or people who have money? What good is that love if you can't love the poor, the homeless, the starving? What good is it to say I am Christian when you stop showing love for the sinners out there? I suppose you can love them I do not know your heart, but I kind of think it worse that you say you can love them, yet do nothing for them.

Too afraid to be made to suffer, we stay safe in our luxury,

While broken people kill each other.

Desperate men do desperate things.

You want to stop the violence? Put an end to poverty!*

I think this is where our dreams of freedom have led us. To a point where we stop thinking about others to secure our needs and wants first. Christians continue in a trend that keeps us farther away from the people. Sure we have free meals for less fortunate people, but that is a band-aid to the problem that we have less fortunate people to begin with.

I think it has to do with greed. Greed runs this country with a might hand. Greed is the god of America. I know I place a rather large value to having money even to the point where I am not willing to take the chance God would have me take. I am greedy, selfish, and so wish I wasn't. I am afraid to go farther. Take His Word to the people out there.

Dying in the streets, they are fighting to see peace.

This is a call to arms against the greed of our nation.

This is a call to arms, we are the seed of salvation.

Call, call to arms; preying on the helpless for far too long.

Call to arms; it's time to cross the lines we've drawn.*

I have friends who have gone out and done missions in countries I forget are even there. Others go into the worst parts of the cities in our own country to help those who need help. I find myself jealous of them and angry at myself. I am too afraid to go and do those things myself. I do not want to leave my comforts things like my internet, my phone, my car, my bed. I am at war with myself to combat my own greed, cross lines that could hurt me. Sadly I know the sin in me keeps winning and I hate it.

This blog could probably have been split into three different ones, one about human trafficking, one about not doing missions, and one about greed. And each would have been a good blog on their own with some expanding. But I think all three are closely tied together. Each has to do with putting yourself before others, each has to do with not loving enough especially the way Christ loved us. So I put them together because that is how it came, but maybe we need to look at each of these more deeply. Let me know, but for now, let's start a change.

Let's start a new trend in our own thoughts. Let's start to think of the people out there, the raped, the abandoned, the stolen, the broken, and the beaten. Let's start our thoughts on how each of us can fight back against the inhumanity of the human race. Let's find a new way, let Jesus lead us, stand up even if we are the only ones who do. Let's be the start of a new wave of love and show the world that the followers of Christ are filled with love for the world.



Additional reading you might find interesting.
A21 Campaign




*Lyrics are from the song Call to Arms, which is what got me thinking first about our closed eyes to the poverty all around us, which started this blog.

Opinions are like...

As someone who likes to write about his opinion, I rather hate to hear people's opinions. Not that I have a problem with you having one, we all do and the world would suck if we didn't, but I hate that when people feel the need to put down someone else's opinion or feelings or anything else because they view it differently. 

This is not good for people. Especially when it is Christians who are doing the bashing. When you feel the need to bash someone, or tell them what they believe is wrong, or as the post that got me thinking this said they believe someone is wasting their money supporting a Christian company because they use less than natural food like substances in their cheese puffs, it comes across as rude and combative even if you do not mean it.

The said post was on an annoying but popular social media website. My friend had shared a picture someone else took of the back of a bag of cheese puffs. On the bottom right corner has Romans 10: 9-10 which if you do not know it, reads: (I used a different translation.)

If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation.

This is a great verse to put on the back of a bag of stuff people are going to buy. And the comment-er also agreed with it. But then they have to go on and start complaining about MSGs, artificial dyes and flavors. Which isn't too bad. Something simple like, "Too bad they use so many artificial stuff in their foods, but still good for them for giving a witness on the bag." would have been a great response, but then having to bring in "And when you purchase things like that you are encouraging major corporations to continue to make these chemicals which are causing all types of health issues and cancer..." which may or may not be true, is still okay, but now on the edge of being rude to the poster who supports companies who are willing to take a brave stance on what they believe.

I am not denying that that crap in the foods isn't bad for you, I actually agree, but it was the last comment "So that = your money supporting the wrong things!!!!" I do have a problem with. It is never bad to support smaller companies like this one who are still willing to be Christians even though everything would be easier for them if they were not. Even if they use things that might not be good for you, Hello! it is called  junk food for a reason, you should still support them.

With out looking up the company and doing research, how do you know how they spend their money. Maybe 50% or more of their profits go to getting fresh food and water to less fortunate people. Doing amazing missions and reaching people your angry words about MSG will never reach. Maybe they are non profit all together and all of it goes for stuff like that. Or maybe not, maybe nothing goes for that and they just talk a good talk. You don't know, and neither do I.

I did take a quick look at their site.. Here's a quick thing I read:

Mission Statement
• Working in harmony in a God honoring, God fearing atmosphere.
• Manufacturing and distributing snack foods that are superior in quality and value to consumers.
• Striving to help our distributors and customers attain their financial goals.  “Brim’s Snacks becoming Number 1 in the Memphis Market.”
• Providing customer service to all customers in a professional and courteous manner.
May our actions and words honor God.

That seems pretty darn good to me. Maybe a little less use of the less natural stuff would be better, but they are doing their stuff right. Right on the top of the site is a page just for talking about Everlasting Life through Christ.  They set aside part of their annual budget just for donations and giving. Which is better than some people ever do.

I do not want people to stop giving their opinions, but to stop and think about other people's as well. In the same vein, people need to stop judging what other people say, do, think, write, and maybe just be a little nicer, a little more loving themselves. Sometimes with how many opinions are thrown around these days, it might be good to stop, think, and maybe less can be more.

I do agree with the comment that the comment-er made, we do need less crap in our diets and more delicious stuff, like big juicy tender steaks without the growth hormones and stuff. But if they did this, we would be paying way more than we could afford.  But hey what do I know, I am just an opinionated guy with a blog.

Jesus is a Tattoo Artist

One of the most talked about subjects in all of Christendom is not marriage, or if God loves gays or not, (Which any person who even has half a brain and has read the bible can obviously tell that he does.) nor is it how you should be baptized, (Though I would be willing to bet that God will accept them all.) but it is "You are going to Hell if you get a tattoo." Not only is this foolishness, but I can also prove, from the words of the Lord, Himself, that Jesus is a tattoo artist.

I can already hear people scoffing and yelling at the screen that I am a heretic, a blasphemer, and probably am going to Hell for even suggesting such a notion. However I would like to ask you two things. First, Says Who? Second, Who made you judge? I would also like you to prove it to me from the text of the bible, not what someone somewhere has said about what the verses mean. Not what you are told, but by what you have read.

I will start off with a simple verse that is often over looked because of its more famous precursor, but John 3:17-18 says "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." That verse right there resolves all of the conflict of the topics mentioned above. It also tells you that God is loving you no matter what you put on your skin.

But I know you are now bringing up the Old Testament verse about marking yourself. Leviticus 19 says "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." Sure if you take it just at face value, you shouldn't get them. Oh you just put me in line, but I am as stubborn as a mule, I am going to step right back out and say this: Read what the verse means.

I guess you need to take it grammatically, the first part of the sentence says, Do not cut your bodies for the dead, big part of that is the subject that is still the subject at the end of the sentence, the dead. This is talking about how pagans used to cut and mark themselves in mourning. Sometimes it was something they were told to do by their gods, or sometimes it was an outward symbol of their sadness. It is logical and grammatically correct to take this subject and apply it to the rest of the sentence, put tattoo marks on yourselves. Again, shouldn't mark yourself for mourning the dead.

Also, if you use this verse, maybe you should look up one verse when it says "Do not cut the hair on the sides of your head, or clip off the edges of your beard." Yeah I am talking to you guy who has more facial hair than you deserve but cuts it all off because you think you look better with smooth skin. Yeah I am jealous of your awesome beard you so rudely cut every morning. Women, this is mentioned in the new testament about you in 1 Corinthians "But for a woman, if her hair is abundant, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering." or this one in 1 Timothy "And don't adorn yourselves with the external ornaments of curls of the hair, or of golden trinkets or of costly garments." Here you shouldn't even wear any kind of expensive clothing, let alone all those pretty rings or ever even curl your hair.

All of this falls back to the verses where it says, that our bodies belong to the Lord, he bought them, he owns them, he built them how he sees fit. We should be using them in ways that glorify God, not in ways that make us feel better about ourselves. I personally think if you are wearing stuff that is to show off your status amongst your peers is where the sin in all of this comes in.

I am getting off track now with beards and jewelry. Lets get back to tattoos. First I will bring up Revelation 22:4 "They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads" Okay so here we can read that when we finally see Jesus, he will put his name on our foreheads. This one He doesn't even need to write it, it just appears there when we see his face.

Revelation 3:12 says "The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name." I think this is a big one. Remember this is Jesus speaking, not only will He write the name of God on us, YHWH, or more than likely the complete name of the creator of all. I think that is one awesome tattoo. Jesus will also write the name of His city. I admit I am a little confused with this one, maybe its so we don't get lost? "If found please return to God in the city of God, Thank you." But then after we are marked with God's name and his city's name, he will also write on us His new name. 

Maybe you want to go back to the Old Testament for a minute. In Genesis 4, God worked his tattoo magic and marked Cain. Let's take a quick moment to look at the amazing amount of love God has. Not only did this man give God the second best offering, keeping the best for himself, but he also killed his brother. Then got defensive with God about it, but was scared people were going to kill him because he killed his brother. So even though later people would have been justified to kill him for what he did, God loved him enough to mark him so that people knew he was under God's protection. God loved him so much he kept him safe.

Anyways, in Hebrews, God says "This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God, and they will be my people." God will write his laws on our hearts. I am sure some will argue this isn't really a tattoo, but I say it could be, we cannot see our hearts physically, and I am not even sure people really know their own hearts, so maybe this could be His laws are tattooed on our chest. That would look pretty cool. 

Back to Revelation, the 144,000 have both the Name of God and Jesus on their foreheads. Isaiah says in chapter 44 "Some will say, ‘I belong to the Lord;’ others will call themselves by the name of Jacob; still others will write on their hand, ‘The Lord’s,’ and will take the name Israel." (I think maybe I will get one on my hand that says The Lord's. That sounds pretty cool.

Thing is, we all have marks and scars that are like tattoos, some visible some not. All the arguing whether we should get tattoos is pointless. In the end, Jesus has taken any sin we had, have and will have, and took it all on himself. We are cleansed and renewed through Jesus. These arguments over the little details like this, only bring a separation and a loss of face when people look in and see that even God's people are not one. Some people may think, "What good is a God, when his followers aren't even able to agree on small things. 

Sometimes a well placed tattoo of a simple phrase or a picture can spark a conversation which could turn into a roaring fire in someone's soul. So sure, you might not like them, or you may, I don't know, but I do know that it really doesn't matter. God's love isn't going to be stopped by a tattoo.

 When I was looking for a picture to go with this, I found this video. Give it a watch, might be good for you.

And finally, one last thing. Jesus has a tattoo. Revelation 19:12 says "His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself." Rev 19:16 says "On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords." when talking about Jesus defeating the beast. Even the Old Testament is a.... testament to this fact, Isaiah 49:16 says "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Yeah even Jesus has a couple. How can you argue with that?

Lightbringer

I recently finished the third book in the Lightbringer series by Brent Weeks and now left with anticipation for the fourth book. If you are unfamiliar with the series, you should stop reading this and go read that. If you don't want to go read that at this moment, then I'll explain some of it.

In the world in the book, there is magic. The people that can wield it are called drafters and they need sunlight to be able to use their magic. Magic is split up into colors, sub-red, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, superviolet. When a candle burns, a physical substance (wax) is transformed into light. Chromaturgy in the Lightbringer is the inverse: A drafter transforms light into a physical substance (luxin). Each different color of luxin has its own strength, weight, and even smell: blue luxin is hard, red is gooey, yellow is liquid, etc. But even as drafters change the world, the luxin changes them too, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Using too much it changes their eyes, when the color breaks out of the iris, they loose control and are usually put down.

In the books, the world was created by Orholam. And because I am curious, I just googled that name, turns out, if you write it as Or Holam it means the light of the world in Hebrew. As I read about some of the stuff they say Orholam did, creating magic, how the earth was made, and many other things that come up throughout the three books, I keep getting a feeling that it draws allusions to Christianity.

This got me thinking, What happens when a work of fiction is more Christian than some Christians out there. I recently posted something on my Facebook, a quote from the book.

""The moment of creation itself was a perfect word perfectly wedded to a perfect will. "

I found this to be very good at describing what the bible says about creation. God spoke everything into existence. When he was done, it was good, it was perfect like he was perfect. In this work of fiction, God can be seen talking, even if he isn't in it. It seems the fiction had more theology correct than some of the life long members of churches.

In these books, God has his hand in what everyone is doing, whether they believe in him or not. Yet some Christians seem to think that God set the world in motion then left it. Or worse, that every thing that happens is part of his plan, which negates the freewill that we have. But the truth is, God is working, He is working now even as you read this. He will use every bad circumstance if you allow him to use it, and use you. Maybe he is working on your heart, or a heart of a friend. But whatever it is, he is there, working, loving, and readying everything just for you. So be ready yourself,

Finding Joy

Below is an excerpt from something I am working on, I thought maybe you might like to read it. Be back soon with a more normal length blog. Also in the meantime maybe check out my YouTube channel and watch what I have been up to in my Minecraft world. 

Finding joy today is hard especially in this current environment. The world tries to push you down with most news stories, feeding you half truths and full lies while forgetting that people do wonderful and amazing things each day for others. But joy is something our hearts need. Whether it's joy from completing a long project in Minecraft, just starting a new one, landing that perfect jump in Grand Theft Auto 5 or seeing a message in an fps that you are actually doing well. "KillianRedXII is a threat... Is now a warlord"

Everyday we can find joy in games, a TV show we watch, or a simple sunrise. Sometimes we can give that joy with a simple comment of thanks or compliment. Sometimes sorrow can open your eyes to see what real joy is. We have things and people to take joy in, but if we put our joy in those things into God's hands, we get back a joy that heals more than just loneliness and pain. We get comfort of our hearts and souls.

When that joy of accomplishments fills you, take a moment and say a quick prayer and thank God. Nothing is to small or insignificant to thank God for. He delights in our delights. Who knows, maybe making God center in your games as well as your life, you'll be in a place to reach gamers looking for something more.

Language is "Cool"

I recently read an article that popped up on my Facebook feed because a friend liked it. It was about not calling Sign Language "cool," and though I do get the point of it, I really think we should call it cool. I think its awesome. All language is cool.

ASL and all the others out there, are awesome and cool the same way any language is. Partially because it helps communication between people who otherwise would not be able to communicate well, but because language is cool. I might not be able to understand something like Arabic, but when I am told how they change what a word means by extending something out or like Thai, adds marks around the letter to get a whole different sound, or how the only "dead*" language to ever come back and become a major language again is Hebrew, I am amazed by how amazing humanity really is.

"ASL (and all sign languages—remember, there isn’t just one!) is a language every bit as much as English, with its own rules of grammar, its own syntax, morphology, phonology, and semantics. It is not “cool” or “interesting” or “awesome," but rather a practical and evolving way of communicating that deserves as much respect as any spoken language."

Here is a link to the full Article.

I agree with the above quote, They do deserve respect, but showing the world parts of your language that is more than just communication, but also art and passion is one of the most amazing parts of language. The people that can learn another language, especially one that is very different from their native tongue, I think are amazing. Language and its etymology are a fun pastime for me. I love to know where they came from. Sometime I want to sit down and have someone show me some of the signs and tell me how did this come around, what is the root of this sign.

The author does make a few great points and is probably the reason they wrote it. When someone who can hear, goes on to TV shows and signs for a group of hearing people as entertainment, can diminish the effects of the "coolness" of what they are doing. It does become about the interpreter instead about the greatness of the language. It becomes the art and honor of the hearing.

The video of a woman signing to an Eminem song, is great and cool. If a deaf person can get the feeling from the video of what he meant in his song, then that video has done more good than most people will ever do for anyone with a hearing impairment. I could be wrong on this, but isn't it the same as a poet standing up before an audience, sure he's up there to make a name for himself, but he is using the language he knows as art. If we are to only use Sign Language as a tool, it defeats the power that it has. Language is as much art as a painting is, if we use it that way.

I do not know ASL or any other language other than my poor English, but language in all its form, written, spoken, or signed, is a beautiful and wonderful thing. I agree with the author that the interpreters should be in the background, "fade away" as she called it so that the deaf can be center of the art and coolness of their language. But if it takes a hearing person to show the world the art and beauty of the signing like an English speaker to show me how cool another language is, so that someday the whole world will look on and whisper about the beautiful art they see when someone is signing a poem or something, then more power to the people who can sign. You are all amazing people.




*I understand that Hebrew never really died. But the people that spoke actual Hebrew was very small, and usually only a few of the religious leaders.

Something is Wrong

Sometimes I feel ashamed of the Christian I am and dream of the one I should be. How is that for an opening sentence. Man no pulling punches there. I wonder how many young people out there even know what pulling punches is. But this isn't about that. This blog is about a realization that I am not as good as I want, and really would love to fix that.

I love Minecraft. I really do. Sure ton of kids play it, but getting to create and build and imagine whatever I can, it is an addicting and fun game. I recently blocked off and drained a huge area around a Ocean Monument. For those of you that might read this and not know what that is, look at the picture to the right. that whole area, from the top of the sand all the way to the grey stone at the bottom, I removed all the water from there. Also inside the big building.

Not only did I remove all that, but I also took out all the rooms inside and built two small farms inside. Not a plant farm, but a guardian farm. Basically, a farm to get fish to spawn and then fall to their deaths. Not too pleasant I know, but they drop things I really want so I can build more cool things. Anyways, all of this, from start to finish, over the course of a week, probably took me over one day. That is one twenty-four hour period and who knows how much longer really. It was a very long time.

When I was done I sat back, smile ear to ear, and marveled at my work. I love this place, the farm isn't all that great, maybe 1000-1200 drops per hour, but the work I put into the redstone and building my first automatic sorting storage system, and the pickaxes I lost while mining just the inside of the Monument. It just makes me happy to see and spend time in, even if it isn't even done yet. I still have to do the inside decorations, but that is okay, I can take it slow now.

But today I sat back, while I was checking the dph rate, and thought to myself. I spend hours a day with Minecraft. If I am not in the game, I am watching videos and tutorials. I bought a book that looks like the icon for a grass block. I have a Redstone ore block that lights up, as well as a torch. I also have Minecraft wallpaper on my PC and tablet. I really like the game. But I never spend this much time with my bible. I don't pray as much as I watch videos on Youtube. Minecraft will be part of my life for a short duration of living, but God will be part of my life forever. Why don't I spend more time with him?

Lately, as you might have surmised from my past blogs, I have been reevaluating my life. Where I am is okay. It is safe, comfortable, and actually rather fun. But I keep getting a feeling that God wants me in a place that is slightly different. I don't know how different, hope it's not a lot, but if it is, that is okay. but I guess first I need to find that correct path that will lead me there.

Truth be told, I am kind of scared where I might go. Maybe not the destination, but the journey can be dangerous. But one needs to sit back and think, will it be dangerous? Probably. Will I get hurt? Possible. Will it be worth every ache, scar, and pain? Most definitely it will be. I really think we spend way too much time with things that aren't God and not enough with God. I don't want to be a once-a-week-and-twice-for-the-holidays type of Christian. Those Christians have too big of mouths and not enough Christ in them. I want to be a follower of The Way, a follower of Jesus. I want to be one of his talmid.

Belong?

Where do I belong? I find myself asking this question a lot. Usually it involves a round of depression and a rather large pit of loneliness. Often times anger and even some hate push their way in while I sit back trying to figure out where I belong in this world. I know I belong to Jesus. I know Jesus is enough for me. I know he is all I really need, and if I give all of me to him, He will provide for me. Maybe I am not a very good Christian but I wish Jesus was really enough for me. I wish I was content with Him being my all.

I love Jesus. I believe every word He said, but with all my belief and trust, I still feel like there is something missing in my life. Love is missing. The feeling of someones touch, their companionship, feeling the same love I have for them directed back at me. Maybe this is shallow or something, but I need something physical. God is good but until he comes back or I die, I will not have a physical relationship with him.

I do know this lack of belonging is mostly my fault. I do not put myself out there. Out there I can get hurt, I am uncomfortable, I am nervous, and I do not like it. In here I am comfortable, safe, and at peace. I love it in here. But in truth, I do not love it. It is so very lonely in here. I know many people feel this way, friends have come to me and expressed much of the same feelings I am expressing here. This is not a uncommon feeling. Sadly because how distant and separate Christians have become from everyone else, I really think this is a common feeling amongst Christians.

Where do I belong? I do not know. There is a growing part of me that feels like I do not belong at work. Though I like all the people I work with, it is hard for me to feel I belong because I am not the same as the people there. I do not get into the same things, do not get excited by the same things, and as such, I always feel like I am an outsider amongst my friends. There is some jealousy that also hurts my feelings of belonging at work. Nothing is more destructive to a persons feelings than jealousy, especially when it is linked to a lack of belonging.

I also do not feel like I belong at church. There does not seem to be much for me there. The churches are very far and work has me working most nights, so me going to any of the things outside of Sunday morning is unlikely. They would like me to help with the new programs and things they do, but in reality, if I was to start inviting friends to do stuff, with the ultimate goal of building relationships and bringing them to church, I would not take them to either church. Even with me driving them each Sunday, it would not work well with the distance.

Picture from here.

So the two biggest parts of my life, I do not feel like I belong at either. So where do I belong or should I ask, where can I belong. I honestly wish I knew the answer. There was part of me wishing that as I wrote this, something magical would happen and I would, all of a sudden, have a revelation and know exactly where I fit this oddly shaped world. Part of me is sad nothing did happen. Normally as I write, I find something to turn this around, and lighten my heart. This is not one of those posts.

In the end, while I struggle to belong, I am left with Jesus. I need to continue my walk and get ever closer to him and let him put me where I belong. I guess there are times when all I can do is suffer and pray. I will pray that God use this to strengthen me and get me to where he wants me to be. Right now it is a desire to belong anywhere, but someday this will become the feeling of joy and happiness when I am where I belong.  I hope the day is not far off. There is a part of me that wishes it was just over, so I did not have to wait any longer, but waiting is what I will do. I guess for now, I will occupy my heart with Jesus, and my few friends that do get me, while keeping my mind occupied with video games, books and whatever else I can. Maybe find a new hobby/past time, who knows? Maybe even go back to school? Where do I belong?

The Forgotten Center

It was one year ago this Easter Sunday that I had a bit of a breakdown and God had to remind me of some simple truths. That Sunday I was angry I had to get up so early to drive so far for a service I didn't want to go to. I was angry at the church, my parents, my mother's car, you name it I was probably mad at it.

The truth is I forgot. I forgot a great many things that morning. First, I forgot that Easter morning and the Son Rise service aren't for me. I forgot that others had feelings, so when my yelling and angry words came out of my mouth, they stung and hurt. I forgot that I am not the center of the universe. I forgot I did not create a thing in all my 30 years of life. I forgot that despite my anger, which I allowed to have free reign, I am nothing at all.

It took a few well placed thoughts, a suggestion, and a bathroom break to remind me, I am not God. God had to remind me of all the things he did for me. He loved me even though I cursed him. He died for me even though said I hated him. He rose from the dead for me even though I didn't want to live. He loved me so much more than I could ever have, even on my best days, ever love back.

He had to remind me of these things, which he did, by hitting me on the head. Good thing he made my skull thick. He asked me, "Why are you crying?" I told him I was angry, I hate everyone and everything, and sometimes I don't believe he is real despite all the things he has done for me. That all I feel is anger in my heart and hate in my mind.

Then Jesus reminded me by saying "Brian, it's me." Then I remembered who he was. This was Jesus, the man who somehow managed to save a sinner like me. Thing is, he did it easily, freely, and does it over and over because he loves every bit that is me.

This is something I struggle to keep in my head and heart. Jesus is for me. He longs for me, he looks after me even when I try to hide. Jesus loves me all the time, every day. Though I was tired, Jesus never stops and takes a break from trying to give me everything I could ever need.

Very often in our lives we forget the basics, we fill our heads with theology of creation or how to be baptized, yet we forget to leave room for Jesus in the middle. If Jesus is not the center of everything, everything will fall. If Jesus isn't put first, then all of our tryings will end before they get started. If the church forgets Jesus even though they still try and show people they know the man they misplaced, their best laid plans crumble into nothing.

I forgot these things. I forgot Jesus is the center, Jesus is the Creator, He is the Word, He is the Truth. It is easy to forget when you fill your head with junk. I work every day, and to be honest, some days I fail, others I only mange to do OK while others I do good, to keep Jesus centered and first in my life. I hope I never have another Easter filled with anger and hate like the one last year, so I will keep Jesus every day in my heart and mind. Everyday, is Easter with Jesus as your center.

Be Together Not the Same

So Apple recently announced pricing for their new iWatch and though I think their price point is rather high compared to some watches already on the market, it will undoubtedly do well. I personally don't like the iWatch, and think the design isn't as good as it should be coming from Apple. Some critics think it is too late for them to find a good foot hold, or that the styling is dated and it seems people aren't expecting very much from it.

Being one who got on the smarthwatch bandwagon almost 3 years ago now, with the first Sony Smartwatch followed by the first Galaxy Gear, and then later with the Gear Live, I love the idea of the smartwatches. First of all, I like wearing watches, and have always looked for cool watches that didn't break the bank. Now being able to access my phone with just a quick look at my wrist is convenient and cool still. I get people ask me about it a lot. I think they will become something and not just a fad. 

Some of the new watches, like the Samsung Galaxy Gear S can even be your phone if you really wanted to. Though this doesn't make me excited as I more want to be able to access messages, notifications, and the like more than I want to talk to people I am fine with where the watches are now. I don't even like talking to people on the phone in general.

My Gear Live watch is perfect for me, has lots of cool watch faces, can check the weather, emails, how far I have walked, my heart rate, it is a great tool to have at easy access, even when I am at work and can't look at my phone. I think the Android Wear OS is fantastic and with each new update it becomes even more useful. 

The Apple iWatch doesn't seem to break too much ground with what it does or maybe it does and I just don't see it yet. Or maybe it will even find a nice niche with other iPhone people. The watches that are out and coming out, and new phones flying around the market, one can't get away from the Apple/Android war. There will always be fan boys and girls of each being paragons of their brands. But they got me thinking about the two brands.

Apple makes some great products. I prefer my Google based stuff and love my Samsung devices, but I will acknowledge that Apple does have some cool stuff out there. But it was Google's current ads that made me think about them in relation to The Church. This is the church as a whole, every denomination that makes up Christianity. "Be Together. Not the Same."

Some adds they show people of all walks of life, people who are on different ends of the social spectrum, but all getting along with each other. They have a common ground. Be together. Not the same. In my opinion, Apple is a company who tells you what you want in a phone, they have basically one option to fit all walks of life, rich, poor, good, bad, one phone to rule them all. Android, being a OS and not a phone manufacturer, feels like it is more designed that each person, where ever they come from, can find a phone that fits them, find the options they want, styles they want, but still keeping everyone together under one roof. In a way, I feel Android has a bit more freedom to think your own thoughts.

For the most part, you can split Christianity up into two groups, Catholic and Protestant. I am not a Catholic Christian. I come from a Methodist background, and as such, am firmly rooted in my Protestant-ness. Here is how I see the two of them. The Catholic Church is like Apple. It is a one size fits all, regardless of where you come from. They tell you what you should believe, think, say, and you get your salvation. I really hope this doesn't sound like I have a bad view of the Catholic Church, because I do not. I have a great deal of respect for them. The protestants seem to me to be more like an Android based phone. You get your salvation still but you can find different people out there that maybe have a similar theological belief as you. You can find a place where you belong and fit you. Be together. Not the Same.

Each, at its very core are really the same thing; iPhone or Android based phone both are phones at their base. They both make phone calls, both receive texts, browse the internet, or whatever else you might like them to do. Same with the Church, whether you are Catholic or Protestant, at our base, we have Jesus Christ and the salvation that comes with him as our Redeemer. 

The two parts of Christianity have many similarities and differences, but no matter who you are in the world, you can be the poorest or the richest or right in the middle, Jesus has a place for you. In Jesus we are together, but we don't have to worship the same, we don't have to think the same thing on the details. All we need, the thing that if you don't have, then it isn't Christianity, is Christ. He is every bit like our phone. He makes calls, sends us messages, gives notifications. Yet if I feel small group is important to keep you as close to God as you can be, or you think you need to be submersed in baptism, it doesn't matter as long as we both have Jesus Christ as our redeemer and our salvation. You can call the Holy Spirit a spirit or a ghost, who cares? We have Jesus.

We are together, but not the same.

When Good Griefing Goes Wrong

When I wrote this, the temperature was rising slowly, spring finally creeping its way in. The day was bright with a beautiful blue sky, something we don't often have in Northeast Ohio. Jackets were coming off, and people were in a good mood. Winter and it's darkness almost over, replaced with Spring, new life, warmth and light. Today was a wonderful day, even being a Monday. The day turned to night, and I was done with work. It was now time to play some Minecraft.

I love to come home and mine in Minecraft. The method I mine with has me counting blocks between each torch. The counting, repetition and quietness for thirty minutes each night relaxes me and calms my mind so I fall right asleep. Tonight was not one of those nights.

Tonight I was playing with my friend. I look forward to every chance we get to play so I eagerly went to my computer and waited for her to get on. She showed me what she was working on all day and then we just kinda fooled around talking about plans, playing with things, and then we went to work on the big house she started on. We are working the interior of the house when I was playing with creative mode and put a few animals in her house. She grrr'd at me and since I find it kinda funny and cute, I put more down. Griefing friends can be fun.

I was laughing and so was she, then she disappeared as I was cleaning up the large amount of squid I had put all over the floor of her house. I flew back to my house when she made a comment about seeing something, when I got there there were chickens everywhere. I mean everywhere. Kitchen, bedroom, storage room, prison, barely could walk there were so many of them.

So, as any good and loving friend would do, I flew back to her now empty house, and spawned a ton of villagers. If you haven't played Minecraft, you don't know how rather annoying villagers are and the hurh sound they make. One annoying sound times about 100 villagers, makes for some fun griefing moments. I told her she should come see what I did, and she burst into laughing. That many villagers is just too funny not to laugh at.

I decided to clean up the chickens and stuff and was looking online to see if you can use the /kill command to clean out just the chickens. Sure it would make me lose my farm and cooker, but it was a small price to pay for having to kill a thousand chickens. I was reading and they said if I put some brackets and a name or some such, I could kill only one type of mob. So I tried.

Dead. The chickens were dead. meat and feathers everywhere. But so was all of my gear. I died too. Not only me, but so did my friend, my dogs, my cats, horses, pigs, rabbits. All of my friends dogs and cats also died. Fred Killer died too, but no one really cared about his death since he killed our beloved Fred months ago. Not only all the animals died, my map died, anything that is considered an 'entity' died. I felt like the worst person in the world.  So for the next hour, I ran around making new maps, spawning new dogs. (Yes I was in creative mode because I was not planning on building anything. I use it to fly around and fix all the blocks the really stupid Endermen take. I really hate Endermen.)

Finally everything seemed OK, animals were back, new map hung, Things were looking good again. I still felt like a mass murderer and felt bad that I started with the squid to begin with. The moral of the story is, don't grief your friends. Might seem fun at first, and even after many times of doing it, but sooner or later you are going to kill everyone and everything. However, I am going to let her grief herself, time to find a place to hid a dispenser filled with spawn eggs. Shhh, don't tell her.

The Hum

I have an anger at churches that I'm not real sure when it started. Never has any church done me wrong, nor have the people in them. But when Sunday comes along I begin grumbling and complaining and sometimes even get mad because I don't want to go. Sure it would be easy not to go, but for months before I headed back to church I felt God telling me I had to go. It was almost like a guilt feeling when I didn't go, like I knew I did something wrong as when I was a child. So I go, grumbling and all, in an effort to find some peace and to praise God.

I know church is not needed to praise God, and we should be doing it every day, as much as we can, because God is good all the time. But church is supposed to be the go to place where you are at peace and can comfortably lift your hands in worship of God, yet when I go, I do not find that praise time.

Sometimes I have to do the slides for the service, which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I do find resentment in having to do it. So I let the annoyance of having to do the slides interfere with my praising and I complain that that I cannot go to church to praise. 

Recently I have been trying to actually allow myself to get into the songs, listen to the sermon, try not to be too distracted by the things that pop into my head while the sermon is going on, and I feel church is getting better. But I still do not like going to church. As I work on my side of the problem I am faced with the other side, the people at church. The people, one on one, are all very nice, are all friendly, even if its a snobbish friendliness. 

You can go in, and as long as you aren't in their seat, they will be friendly and sometimes even helpful if they offer you a place to sit. However, if you sit in the back and listen hard, you can hear the gossip being thrown around the room. I am great at sitting and being unnoticed. I do not like to ever be the center of attention, but rather would sit back, give support, and watch as things unfold.

"So this is
The reason
The sanctuary hums
God save us
God save us
From your chosen ones"

As a whole, not as individuals, but a collective of church people across all denominations, Christians are nothing but an angry bunch of jerks, who judge, condemn, and live as if they are better than the rest. And people see this. This isn't my view because I know better, only a few of them are like this at all, but they are the loud ones. No this view is one I was told from people I work with. This is a view from people who are out driving to work or the store, around the time churches are getting out,  while people pull out in front of them, cut them off in parking lots, all while having fish on their cars, crosses on the windows, and leaving the parking lots of their respective church.

How are we to win people over to Christ, if they see these things. Though my view of individuals is not of jerks and anger, it is very often the view of the drivers. I have seen a mom driving a car full of kids, talking on the phone with one hand while reaching in the back to take stuff from their kids, all while driving down the road at 65 mph. 

Yet because of so much voice and not enough action on people's part, which I sadly am also guilty of, the followers of Christ become one of the biggest causes of atheism in the world. And it is a trend that is on the rise and soon, we will find ourselves in a country who hates us, and will turn laws against us. And we are just accepting it. We sing our ever growing anthem of patriotism but slowly let the anthem drown out our praises of a God who loved us more than any country ever could. We praise a country who takes rights away, gives our money we earned by working, and gives to those who will not work for it, but wont give God the time of day, even one day.

We find faults in those chosen to shepherd and guide us, we complain when we are told that we are the ones responsible to bring people to church, and are more than willing to throw our leaders under the bus, but line up with our government and say how great a world we live in. People miss the great heart filled sermons given from the pastors who love the people of the church, and only take away old grudges and misunderstood words. Pastors work hard to prepare the sermon, and in the small churches, have to do this while attending to the sick, the shut-ins, evenings filled with meetings, often to the lack of personal time.

On Sundays, when I go to church, I grow tired of all the fuss, gossip, lack of actions, when all I really want to do, is praise God, be surrounded by believers who will help replenish and refresh my soul. I want a time where I can be with God in close worship, with others who also want this. I hurts me to think that people have agendas at church, stupid stuff like where snow is piled, or replacing dated looking colored glass with more dated looking colored glass. I feel sadness that people will fight wit and work to replace people who care so much for them. I hate going to church. But never will I, even if I lose everything I have, ever hate my God.

So I will take my worship from the dead churches of this dying country, and replace the one day a week with seven days a week. Might only be a few hours some days, a while longer on others, but my praises will be continuous, regardless of how our churches fail. And while I praise, I will pray. I will pray for the churches, the ones are dying because a few people can't trust God enough. I will pray for a dying country, who is rapidly growing to hate me simply because I love God. I will pray for the day God comes back, Jesus in all his Glory, shinning before all the nations. 

I Will Follow Jesus

I have talked about how much I like my guild in World of Warcraft in the past, and even though I do not play WoW any longer, the guild still has been such an influence in my life. I have talked how they became like a family to me, been there when I need them, and gave me a place to rest and restore, even if through an avatar. The guilds, clans, or whatever a game may call them, are a very important part of the human nature.

We, as humans, want and need a leader to follow. Even if we are striving to be that leader, we still had to have a good leader to teach us how to be good followers, which enables us to be good leaders. This goes every where in our life. At work you have your boss, a good boss will bring the whole group together and accomplish much. In our towns, cities, states and up to the federal government, we want and need leaders who will do what is best for the people.

Here in the States, we elect representatives to make those choices to better our lives and our republic. Some confuse this with a democracy, but unless the people are the sole power, we should use the term republic. In a republic, we always have a scapegoat to blame. But back on point, this is a good point that we need and want a leader who will lead us and help better our lives.

In a guild like WoW's the leaders are rarely chosen by the guild, but we have the option to leave when we want, make our own, or just be a lone wolf in the game. But when you find a guild with a leader that thinks, and leads along the lines that you are think and want, a guild doesn't have to be large to have a strong group of people.

Last time I was online, my guild had over 400 people. Not the largest guild out there, but a good size, with a bunch of people playing the game differently, or maybe the same way as you want to. Most people settle in with a guild, even if its not ideal, for the perks of being in one or because it simply gives them a place to stay. Sometimes it gives them a bit of meaning in what they do.

I think if you take a look at people, this structure is what is deeply embedded in our minds. Scientists would say it is a left over remnant of when we were monkeys and we needed to survive in groups. I think it is something that God set in our minds, just as ancient and deeply embedded and also put there for our survival.

Since being in a group, with a strong, good leader in charge is so fundamentally natural in our minds, we put together governments and religions, villages and cities, so we aren't alone. Yet so many still feel so alone because the leaders they chose aren't accessible, or they can't relate to your plight because they have never been in your shoes.

But God gave us a leader, a mighty good leader, a strong leader, a leader who has been in our shoes, he can relate to anything we are dealing with, and came out the other side as a victor and most of all is the only savior there is. We find faults in our leaders we choose, and the fall, like all men do. But Jesus will never fall, is promises will be fulfilled, and we will never find a fault in him.

In Jesus, all of our comforts and needs or wants of a leader who will also protect our lives, is satisfied. He is our foundation and we can do anything as long as he is in control and we follow his lead. We do not need to fear, do not need to need, nor want, but be fulfilled in Jesus' love and guidance. With God as our leader, we wouldn't need borders, because we would all be brothers and sisters. we wouldn't need guns for defense because there would be no one to attack us. But sadly we aren't safe.

Found over here.

We need our guns for the safety of our family and our lives, we need borders to keep those who would harm us out. We need defenses and weapons because our fellow man wants to kill us. They want to kill us, even if you don't believe in God. They want to force you into submission and have power over you, or they want you dead. Sadly, this also is the nature of humans. To harm those we see as weak and inferior. We are a terrible species. We have our bright moments, some very good people manage to come out of the darkness we created and love, but the heart of man is dark.

Christians, though far from being good, have looked into ourselves and we see we are dark, we see the hate in our hearts yet we long for a change. So we will line up with Jesus, though it will cost greatly, our reward is that much the better. Christians should strive to be more like Jesus every day. Filling our hearts with love and light, to push the hate and darkness away. We have a leader who has shown us it can be done. He did it himself, and yet it cost him is life, he came back and showed a dying world how great of a leader he is. How great a love he has for us all. How willing he is to end the darkness and hate for good. In time he will do it, and until either he comes back, or my life ends, I will follow the only leader I will ever bend my knee to, the only leader I will lower my eyes before. I will follow Jesus.

Tell Me, Remind Me

"Tell me this was worth it,
Tell me I will make it,
Tell me all of this was not in vain.
Remind me of your promises,
Remind me of your faithfulness,
Remind me this was never about me."

These are lyrics off of Project 86's newest album Knives to the Future. The song is called White Capstone and to me, they are some of the strongest thought provoking lyrics on it. These lyrics scream out to me, as someone who has dealt and is dealing with depression, someone who has often wondered why things happen, someone who sometimes asks "Why do you hate me God?" Also as someone who sometimes forgets the big picture.

I often need God to remind me of all of this. Sometimes I want to hear him tell me how much it was worth it, that I will make it to the end and it will all be OK. And thankfully God is loving enough that he will tell me these things, he will tell you as well, if you ask him.

Was it worth it? Oh yeah! Somewhere there is a person reading this, who loves God, but feels lost at sea, maybe a bit of depression kicking them in the side. And if that one person feels comfort in reading this, it was more than worth it. All my pain and sadness that has been driven through my heart, was worth every life this can make feel better and enter into a deeper relationship with God.

Will I make it? That is a much harder question to answer. In the end, with little doubt in my mind, I will indeed make it. Right to the very end of all things, and I will finally get to bow at the very throne of the only one worthy to bow before. But between here and there, who knows what might happen. I might only live to see a day more, or preferably, and God willing, I will see 50-60 more years where I can try and show every person that God is worth every scar.

Anyone who has taken to reading any of the end time prophecies in the Bible, knows that none of this was in vain. But in a more personal look at the third line, I think it is a much more personal request. In the song, it is sung from a dead soldiers point of view, and it is something that we think of when we die. Because death is the only place we cant come back from. We want to know, even people who don't believe in God, what the meaning behind it all is, of life, the universe, and everything. The answer is not 42, but it is the destination we aim for. It is who waits there.

I think that when we get to heaven, we will be held accountable for every action we have done, from stealing candy as a kid, to that person that God had asked you to invite to church, but were too afraid to do so. What if you were the only person who could have asked that person to church, who then would have been saved, but because you didn't ask, he was never saved.

When my comfort zone ends, Jesus begins.

I do not want that to happen to me, though I am very scared it might when I get there, but I want to live each day making sure I don't miss a chance to witness and bring to Christ, new people. Then the answer to is all this in vain will be a resounding No.

Then to make sure we continue to work on keeping Christ in the center of our day to day, the song says, Remind me of your promises. In all the promises made every day, God is the only one who will keep every promise he's made. He will do everything he says he will do, when it is the right time. And each promise should also remind you of how unbelievably faithful he is to his children.

God has shown me, time and time again, his faithful love for me, my family and the whole world. I watched a video the night I wrote this about a group of people in a band called No More Music who were touring Albania, which happens to be a primarily Muslim country. As God worked in the hearts of those that came to listen to the band, my heart broke and I found myself praising with the video how great God's works are, how he loves us so much, and how he will always be faithful because of that amazing love.

In America, we have pastors teaching you that God wants you to be happy, be rich, never worry, and never have a bad life. These pastors are telling you a half lie. It is true God wants to give you everything, but this isn't about you. Some pastors out there are saying you can be rich by believing God will make you rich. They are pushing themselves, and the people that listen to them, into the spotlight, instead of allowing God to live there. They make the day to day all about them, but forget that this isn't about us. This is all about God and his Glory.

I have added this section of the song to my prayers from time to time. In a way, they are simple pleas to our Lord for comfort and reassurances in a world where people hate us simply because we claim Jesus. Times will continue to get harder, and we will find ourselves depending and leaning on God more and more. (Which I think is the way it should be anyways.) And as our hearts are breaking or our moods fall into the void, we have a theme in our prayers to hang on to. God is there, he will save us, he will make all wrongs right, everything new, and he will reign forever.

My Train of Thought

A thought occurred to me the other day, kinda based on some of the stuff in the movie Interstellar, and thinking about Jesus on the Cross. I know that seems weird to combine but in the movie, they make some rather lame claim that people can evolve into 5th dimensional beings. I personally think that is very absurd, this is not the place for that, at least right now. However, what struck out at me was that when (spoiler!!) the main character was in the black hole, he could see all the various moments in time as well as alternate timelines where the choices where made differently. He was able to scroll through time to find the right moments. All of time was right before him.

Then because it was the Christmas season I was thinking about Jesus dying for us on the cross. That he died for everyone's sin, giving the ability for anyone to have their sin washed away. My train of thought kinda went like this. (This is greatly abbreviated, truth is this probably took most of my dad's sermon.) God used thousands of years to line up everything so Jesus could be born so that he could line everything up so that he could die, that would line everything up for the salvation of the world.

Then I was thinking about how God can probably look at any point in time whenever he wants it, since he is not bound to the annoying arrow of time. Then I thought back about how the guy could see all the various timelines and scroll through any time he wanted. Like at this very second in time, there are for each person, three options before them. God knows what will happen in each one, but he waits to see which option we take. After all, we do have freewill. Then my thoughts come back to the Cross.

In all of creation, it is probably the only point in time that could not change. All of everything that ever could have been was choked down to this single moment in time. This one day was the defining moment of all of mankind's existence. All freewill funneled down on to Jesus. Then everything expanded back up into the whatever it looked like before. Then, since I had been picturing time looking like a pencil, where the middle of it was very narrow, not tapered in the middle, just a hairline break in it, and it was only connected by an atom, I thought of God holding time in his had just looking at all the stuff that has and will happen.

The Crucifixion would be time 0.

That thought got me back to how God was outside of time, not bound to it, and since all of time was something that he is aware of at all times, that the death of Jesus was, in a way, happening all the time. Which then got me thinking about how much I sin, and as much as I hate to say it, big of a sinner I am.

My heart is full of sin, as is my mind and my body. It constantly works against what I want, to fulfill it's own sinful desire. And since I am a sinner every day, Jesus is dying every day, stuck in that single moment of time, that one atom of time, because of me. Because of you. Because of us all. Maybe that is a deep hidden meaning when Jesus said:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

 If Jesus is dying at any given moment one chooses to look at the tiny bit of the pencil, then it would make sense that his followers also die every day. Paul said:

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

 So if we were crucified with Christ, and it is not us who live, but Christ in us, then we are surely to do it every day at least, if not every moment of every day.

Then after my thoughts began to wander toward tacos. I do love tacos.

Ashamed or Just Scared?

I was musing, as I so often do, in the shower one morning, when a thought came to me and I proceeded to talk to myself about it and ponder why. I wondered why do more people not share the wonderful peace and love of God? I thought a bit, and wondered about myself then, am I secretly ashamed of my God?

Is shame a reason to why there are not more people standing on the corner telling every person that walks by the amazing things God has done for them and what he wants to do for everyone. I really don't like to think that I am ashamed of God, but what is it that keeps me from sharing and is this the same that keeps you from sharing.

Or maybe it is fear buried in the lack of sharing among Christians. Fear leads us into directions we don't always want to go. The fear of being unwanted. I don't want to be labeled one of "those" people, a "nutter" as my sister might say now. I don't want to be hated, though Jesus told us we would be. I don't want to deal with troubles, have fights, and be uncomforted because others think I'm a crazy person, or an unintelligent person, or simple minded, naive, or anything bad. I just want to live a happy, peaceful, get along with everyone that is nice, life. Does my fear of being thrown out really mean there is some shame in it?

This is what went through my head. Does our fear keep us ashamed of who we really are? Jesus told us to go out there and make disciples of all nations, yet many of us aren't even willing to make disciples in our own communities. We wont invite people to church, we leave every morning, our neighbors still in bed and our minds don't even think twice on them. Though people may argue, I kinda think this is a bit of shame on our part, or at least some embarrassment. 

I have never been the type of person that likes to get up in front of people, even if I know them, and talk. Every time I had to do that in school, I would get all jerky, mean, and sick feeling. When it was over, I would melt, relieved the stress was gone and zone out the rest of the class. I even would make sure my work was only every average in class because some teachers liked to point out how some students did really well on the tests. I did not want to be seen. I wanted to pass on by unnoticed, so I never had to deal with anything.

But this is not what God has called us to do. I find myself compelled to write out on here, put myself out where people can actually see me (figuratively speaking). I don't put up the shell of protection as I do in real life, but this isn't the same as going out there. This is staying where I am safe and looking through a window leaving notes for people to find in hopes that maybe, just maybe, they might see God, feel his love, and join us in his endless praise.

This isn't enough. I know this and I am willing to bet many of you can see this in your own life. You sleep in late, skipping church all together now, or just attend the holidays. Maybe you do go often, but you don't bother talking about it to your friends or coworkers. 

Everyone at work knows I go to church, though they might not see God in my life every day, I still talk about how great he is, but only when no customers are in the store. I cant get rid of this feeling that there is shame behind my love. I know there is shame that I am not better at getting out there, and maybe that is the shame I am feeling, but this feels like there is the shame that we wont be politically correct anymore, that we are on the hated end of the stick. 

Sheep beget sheep. So we must get out there and get the sheep mill going. Be smart when you feel God telling you to talk to this person. Pray quickly, and let him guide your conversation. The Holy Spirit is ready to jump in at a moments notice. If God is for us, how can we ever be ashamed of anything we do for him?

We will be hated, we will be scorned, spit upon, called names that will hurt us very much. We will be hurting emotionally, and physically, but we will never break, we will never die, when we have have God supporting our efforts. We need to get out of our comfort zone, and out there on the streets, praying for people, worshiping God and being a total nutter for Christ.

DC Talk have a song called Jesus Freak, old song, but still good, and I'm sure many of you have heard it, but it says 

"What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
(Ain't no disguising the truth, no I ain't hiding the truth)"

We should never be ashamed of God, and who cares of we are labeled and put down? We have Christ. We have life. We will be with him forever. So we should have no fear in our lives. This is a war, so as any good warriors do, before we go down, we take as many as we can with us. Just this time, we take as many as we can to life with us. So if you read this, and you feel that maybe there is a bit of shame in there, or at least caused you to think for a minute, just take a moment and pray. God is ready to reformat your life.